Discussing Dating: Part 1

I have been looking forward to my college pastor's series on dating ever since he announced it at the end of last semester. Today he started with part 1. Listen to it at the link below, and then come back and discuss it!

http://highlandbc.org/templates/System/details.asp?id=43556&PID=612834 (Click on Happily Ever After Part 1)

(For anyone who doesn't know my college pastor, be forewarned that he has a tendency to be sarcastic sometimes ;-) )

Potential discussion questions:

1) Anything he didn't discuss that you wish he had? I wish that he had at least mentioned something about "becoming" the right person, or living your life in a "marriage-minded" direction, stuff that can happen even before a first date. For example, in my opinion, a marriage-minded person tries to handle their finances well so that they don't come into marriage with debt (or are working to pay off any debt they already have), are involved in spiritual community to be actively growing as a believer, etc. Granted, he only had so much time to talk...I just wish he had at least mentioned that being "marriage-minded" can encompass more than just being proactive and asking people out on dates.

2) What do you think it means to be "marriage-minded"?

3) Anything he said that you disagree with?

4) What about the ladies' role? I, personally, am one of those two-thirds of the ladies who would never suggest dating to a guy. Maybe someday I'll change my opinion on this, but I can't get past the fact that even suggesting something romantic to a guy before he's asked me out seems like I'm taking away the "risk" factor. And that "risk" factor is, in my opinion, what separates the pansies from the men.

However, if we don't ever bring up the possibility, are their still other ways that ladies can encourage the guys around them to be proactive in the dating process?

Summer ends soon!

Or, at least, my job ends and I head back to Waco in 17 days. I'm really excited about going back, though I know there are things about summer that I will miss.

What I will miss about summer:

1. Reading good books Hopefully I will make more time for this during the school year. With the extra time I've had this summer, I've made it a point to read some good quality literature. So far I've finished My Antonia, the entire My Side of the Mountain trilogy, and Eight Cousin and its sequel, Rose in Bloom. I had forgotten just how awesome reading is. I'm sure I'll read some during the school year, but there's won't be nearly as much time.

2. Rabbit Trails The awesome Bible study on Thursday nights where the Bible is the authority and no topic is taboo. And I get to see a lot of people that I don't get to see during the school year.

3. Seeing my family every day Because I love 'em. :)

4. Mommy's cooking And not having to cook for myself so much. It's nice to come home to a meal waiting for me after work.

What I'm looking forward to at school:

1. My awesome new apartment It's so awesome and sophisticated. I'm really looking forward to living there.

2. Walking places I never thought I would say this, but I'm getting tired of driving. I'm looking forward to being able to walk everywhere again.

3. Connection Group I'm really looking forward to seeing the girls again and studying the Bible with them.

4. Awana I'm especially looking forward to seeing Mrs. Arnold, Mrs. McDonald, and my girls again. :)

5. Getting involved in Student Foundation, Hankamer Christian Fellowship, and the Association of Logistics, Procurement, and Supply Chain Students.

6. Seeing my friends again. :)

Counting down the days...

For those who have asked: Dating vs. Courting

Last night I officially went on my first date ever (and last date with this particular guy, we decided we're just going to be friends). Some people think that this means that I left the "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" viewpoint that I had in highschool behind. Well, partially yes, but mostly no. For those of you wondering how my viewpoint on romantic relationships has changed since high school, here's a general explanation on what I believe now.

First, I think most people have missed the point of "I Kissed Dating Goodbye". Kissing dating goodbye is not about never going on dates. By "dating", Joshua Harris meant an attitude and a lifestyle--an attitude that romance is all about me, and finding someone that I enjoy being with, and a lifestyle of "trying on" different people romantically. That is what Joshua Harris kissed goodbye. When he finally did meet and court his bride, he took her on dates. The fact that I went on one date (and plan on going on more should another guy of godly character ask me) does not mean that I'm changing my attitude toward romantic relationships.

God is Lord over my love life.

I pursue purity in both mind and body.

Every relationship is for the purpose of glorifying God.

My responsibility in any relationship is to pursue God's will.

These sum up my attitude toward relationships, romantically involved or not. This was my attitude in high school, and that attitude has not changed.

I still think dating when you're not ready for marriage is pointless. That's why I never dated--or even just "went on one date"--in high school. I knew I wasn't ready to get married. I still recommend that high school students avoid romantic relationships and "dating" until they are at least out of high school. But I am no longer in the "not ready for marriage" stage. If the right guy comes along, I could realistically marry him within the next 6 to 12 months. (Obviously, this would not be realistic with every guy, so I'm only open to pursuing relationships with guys who I could realistically marry within this time frame.) Could that potentially mean being a married college student? Yes. Could that potentially mean not finishing college? Yes. Are either of those things to be avoided? I honestly don't think so. I'm open for whatever God's will is. And over this past year, God has made it pretty clear that I am no longer in the "sit back and wait" stage. I am now officially in the "sit up, look and pay attention" stage. Or, for those of y'all that speak Joshua Harris, I've moved on from "I've Kissed Dating Goodbye" to "Boy Meets Girl".

I think debating dating vs. courtship is pretty useless. I quit using the term "courting" when I got to college, because it confused people too much (or they associated it with negative views of Joshua Harris). Nowadays, I'm more likely to say something like "biblical dating". While we can debate specifics (such as, should the guy ask out the girl first, or should he go and ask the father before the girl even knows he's interested?), the plain and honest truth is that there is no one-size-fits-all for every romantic relationship. I've seen plenty of relationships that were hybrids between what people traditionally think of as "dating" and "courting". As long as a relationship is conducted in a way that is pleasing to God, that emphasizes purity and accountability, let's not get hung up over specifics.

In my case, it doesn't look like any relationship I have will fit the traditional "courting" mold for several reasons. Anyone who is interested in these reasons may ask me, but I'm not going to go into them here. Nevertheless, I don't think that disqualifies me from having God-centered relationships. I still plan on "courting" as I plan on having a relationship/relationships that emphasize high family involvement, accountability to the church, service to God, and purposefully moving in the direction of marriage be it God's will. If not following a lock-step guide to getting there disqualifies me from "courting", so be it. That's not my concern. My concern is conducting my relationships in a God-glorifying manner.

I went on one date with Josh to see if God had anything further planned for us beyond friendship. I had seen his godly character in action and wanted to get to know him better as an individual, and in our particular circumstances, a date was pretty much the only way to do that. Josh treated me very respectfully on our date, and our conversation was really interesting and God-centered. At the end of the date though, Josh made it clear he wasn't interested in anything beyond friendship. And I'm okay with that, I think God's will for us after that date was pretty clear. I don't have any regrets, and when Mr. Right does finally come along, I won't have any qualms telling him about Josh.

Halfway There

After I take my last final tomorrow, I will officially be halfway done with my college career.

That is an incredibly scary thought.

So much has changed over the past couple of years. So many things have changed over this past year. So many things have changed over this past semester.

And things will continue to change. I'll continue to grow as a person and in my relationship with God. New friendships will be made, some old friendships will dissolve. I'll continue to learn new skills as I pursue my degree. I'll learn new skills and have a whole new set of experiences through Student Foundation and Hankamer Christian Fellowship. Hopefully I'll make new friends through those organizations as well. Maybe I'll finally figure out what I want to do with my life (haha...as if I'll every know...)

Two years from now, I hope to at least have an idea of what I want to do with my life. Hopefully I will have met someone special and will at least be engaged, if not married. (But if not, that's okay. God knows best.) But most importantly, two years from now I hope to be closer to God than I ever have been before.

As I reflect on these past two years of college, and especially this past year, there are some things that I just have to thank God for.

First off, words cannot describe how incredibly thankful I am for my mom. Today is mother's day, and I'd like to take a moment to rant about how amazing my mom is. Words cannot describe how much I love her, or how lost I would be without her. Whenever I have had problems and I need advice, she is the first person I call. And she has never failed me. Seriously, my mother has never once steered me wrong with her advice. She is one of the wisest people I know. I am also happy to be able to say that my mom really is my best friend. I may not call her as often as I should, but she always gets the full run-down on how life is going whenever I go home. She knows me better than anyone else does, and is genuinely my number one fan in life. I am so thankful that God has given me the mom that He has. I only hope that I can one day be as wise and caring as she is.

But where would I be without Dad? I would be lying if I didn't say my dad is pretty awesome too. :) Like my mom, he's also really wise and gives good advice. He's a really hard-working person and is really inspiring. Even in the midst of his busyness, he always takes time to invest in my life. I'm really thankful for my daddy.

I'm thankful for Mrs. McDonald and Mrs. Arnold. Even though I only talk to these women about once a week, they probably have no clue how much they help me keep my sanity. Although I know and love a lot of people my own age, I NEED interaction with adults. There's not much of that kind of interaction in college world, apart from professors. These two women, especially Mrs. McDonald, have given me that interaction I need to stay sane and mature. My only regret is that I haven't invested as much in my relationships with these women as they have with me. Mrs. McDonald especially. She actually asks, cares, and remembers what's going on in my life! Only recently have I realized how much of a blessing these women have been in my life.

I'm thankful for Kyle Dunn. My amazing college pastor who really, truly, honestly cares about his students. Which, in a college ministry of around 400 students, is a difficult thing to do. But this man really has taken a personal interest in his students. While he may not get to talk to everyone personally, he really does care and has shown that he is available when he is needed. After the accident last semester, he sat down with me and talked through all the ugly and confusing emotions that resulted from that. I still have the notes he wrote from that conversation on my wall. I am so thankful to be able to say that my college pastor is a man of God. He roots his sermons in Scripture, and really runs a Bible-centered ministry. The ministry mic and the two weeks of spiritual disciplines shows that this man is a man of action and application, not just theory and words.

I'm thankful for living fairly far off-campus without a car. Not being able to just walk anywhere whenever I wanted taught me several things. It caused me to be more intentional about how I used my time. It taught me to plan ahead better. It taught me to prioritize. Living in an off-campus apartment caused me to mature a little bit more. Still having to depend on rides from people enhanced some friendships that may have otherwise stayed a little more stagnant. Honestly, some friendships faded a little more easily due to not having such easy access to people. But as hard as it is to admit, I'm thankful for that because it helped me to discern who my true friends really are.

I'm thankful for friendships that grew stronger (and, as weird as it may seem, friendships that dissolved) I'm especially thankful for friends that I can have honest conversations about God, relationships, and hopes and dreams with. Friends that encourage me to think in a God-centered manner. I'm also thankful that God has taught me that friendships need to be invested in. And I'm thankful that God is giving me wisdom about which friendships to invest in.

I'm thankful for the accident Although I still don't understand why God let the men die, I realized that I had some wrong views about God that the accident helped correct. During difficult situations like that, you discover what theology you really believe. I realized I was asking the wrong questions and my perspective on my role wasn't accurate. I stopped asking "Why did it happen?" and started asking "What do you want to teach me through it?" I also realized that I needed to be more humble. While I have a relationship with God so that I can ask Him questions, He is still God and is not under any obligation to answer them. The fact that He does is a blessing, not something He is obligated to do for me.

I'm thankful for visits to HPU And I'm especially thankful for long walks and deep conversations with Adam Hardy and Charity Chambers.

I'm thankful that God has been teaching me about intentionality This lesson has had several applications in my life. I've been learning that a close relationship with God doesn't just happen, that I have to put effort in it through prayer, Bible reading, service, and other spiritual disciplines. I've learned that who I am and who I will be doesn't just happen. I can decide who I want to be through choosing who I spend time with, what I read/watch/listen to, and what activities I take part in. I've learned that it's okay to be intentional about wanting to get married and pursuing activities and relationships that will help get me there (thank you Boundless!). I've realized that if I want to get something in life, such as a good job or internship, I have to pursue it, I can't just expect it to drop in my lap. If I want to be good at what I do, I have to practice, be it at writing, managing, or swing dancing. While I definitely believe in the sovereignty of God, I also believe that attitude and effort determines where you end up in life. God can force a close relationship with me if He wants, but He's not going to. That's up to me. I believe it's the same with the rest of life. God can force things to happen, but I don't think He will. I think He lets us reap the consequences of our actions. If we want to get somewhere, to do something, we need to work on getting there. Reaping what we sow is a biblical concept.

Last, but not least, I'm glad that God gives me purpose There are days when this can all seem pretty pointless. Why am I pursuing this degree, why did I choose this major, why did I choose these activities? Without God, it would all seem pretty pointless. It's awesome to know that God planned my life out before the foundation of the world, and He has a purpose for everything. I'm thankful that I even have a God to serve, because honestly, without someone to serve, the only person left to serve is me. And that's pretty pointless. I'm glad that at the end of it all, when it seems like all the effort I've put forth in this world is worthless, Jesus is coming back. To tell you the honest truth, I don't know why Jesus coming back gives me a reason to keep pursing my college degree. But somehow it does, and I'm thankful for that.

What has God done for you this year that you're thankful for?

Think About It

Random thought that I've brought up with my amazing Journey girls this semester:

Back in Old Testament times where people, on average, lived to be several hundred years old (Noah was over 600 when he started building the ark), a boy was considered a man and a girl was considered a woman when they turned 12.

Now, with an average life span of less than a century, we don't consider people adults until they're at least 21...more like 25.

Something just seems wrong with that.

There's a difference between being a kid at heart and still being a kid. It seems most of the people around the late teens/early 20s mark that I know are the latter. And I don't think that's how God meant it to be:

"When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child. But when I became a man, I put away childish things."-1 Corinthians 13:11

By the way, my friends Alex and Brett have written a whole book on this subject. If you haven't read Do Hard Things yet, you should. It's mostly geared toward teenagers, but people of all ages will find it helpful. I have a copy that I'm willing to lend. :) Boundless.org also has some great articles on this geared toward the college-aged crowd, including The Peter Pan Syndrome.

Fall 2010 Class Schedule

My first schedule with NO 8 AMs!!!!! YAY!!!

Also my first semester where the majority of my classes actually relate to my major. What a concept. :)

FIN 3310-02-Introduction to Financial Management-MWF 9:05-Potts

MGT 4320-02-Negotiation and Conflict Resolution-MW 2:30-Hunter (<--I am SO AMAZINGLY EXCITED about this class!)

MGT 3320-01-Distribution Management-TTh 11:00-Parris

MIS 3305-08-Management Information Systems-TTh 12:30-Koch

MGT 3325-07-Operations Management-TTh 3:30-Umble

Life is Tough

The title pretty much sums it up.

I don't mean tough in an emo, "my life is really difficult" kind of way. I just mean that life is a balancing act. It is not easy to decide where the balance lies in a lot of areas. For example, is it better to be blunt and tell a friend the hard and honest truth, or is it better to let things slide if you know there's a possibility that the truth will hurt feelings, or is there a middle-of-the-road approach? Or when you know your current lifestyle is not satisfying all your needs, nor is it giving you a chance to pursue what you really want. How do you go about pushing your life to head in a different direction without giving up what is good about your current life? How do you decide what is good, what is better, and what is best, and is there a way to pursue the better without giving up the good? Or, maybe sometime's it's necessary to give up the good to pursue the best.

Right now, I'm really glad that God talks a lot about wisdom in the Bible. That's something that I need a huge dose of right now.

I hope that this post has been sufficiently vague enough. If you think that you know what I'm talking about...keep it to yourself. I just watched Mean Girls for the first time this week, and was very disgusted by the ugliness of the gossip and rumors. I have no desire for gossip and rumors in my world. Please help me in keeping this little corner of the world rumor and gossip-free.

But for a non-vague tidbit...how do you get the cute Christian guy who sits behind you in class to ask you out on a date? :P