Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Do I really give freely?

"You give freely to others without expecting anything in return: Yes/No"

I have almost always answered "yes" to the above question on the Myers-Briggs personality test--but lately, I have been wondering if I really give freely. I recently sent a friend of mine an encouraging text and was disappointed when I went the entire day without hearing back from her. I was thinking about that, and I realized that I do expect a lot in return for giving to others. I expect to be loved and appreciated. Sure, I'll feed you and not ask you to give me money or food in return. I'll buy you something and not expect you to pay me back. If you need a place to stay, mi casa es su casa. But if I do that for somebody and don't receive even a "thank you" or "I really appreciate you" in return, I feel disappointed. Perhaps I am not expecting anything physical. But I am expecting something in return.

I realized that I am not truly giving of myself freely. I always thought that I was doing a good job of being a servant. I realize now what a load of crap that thinking is. If I send you an encouraging text, I expect one back. If I feed you, I expect a "Thank you". If I tell you I love you, I expect you to at least smile back at me. If I share my burdens with you, I expect you to share your burdens with me.

Give of myself freely? Ha, whatever.

I started wondering, though, if these expectations are truly unreasonable. After all, can somebody really keep giving freely of themselves if no one is giving to them? Is that even possible?

I then realized how twisted that thinking was. I have a relationship with the God who created the universe. He holds everything in his hands. I need to look to him to fill up my "love tank", to shower me with blessings and to extend His grace to me. If I am looking to Him to provide me with everything I need-and I mean everthing-then I can easily give freely to others without ever running out of love to give.

Do I really give of myself freely to others? No, but I'm learning.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

You Are Beautiful

"You are beautiful.

You are not broken.

You are not defective.

You are perfect

Because you were made by the Creator of the universe

And He doesn't make mistakes.

There is nothing about you

That makes you unlovable.

No matter what

You will never be alone.

No matter what

You will never be unloved.

No matter what

You will never be unwanted.

You are beautiful."

It's amazing how words meant for someone else can bless your socks off as well.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

When God Uses Google...(and a random, undeserving girl)

Apparently, I lot of people I don't know have stumbled across my old blog, God Said It Best. I have not updated that blog in over a year, but now I'm wondering if I should...or maybe I should just import the posts over to this blog.

I just found out a couple of days ago that if you Google "God does not care", a link from that blog is the first thing to pop up. When I found out, I was amazed and humbled. That God would use a search engine like Google, and a small article I wrote a long time ago to continue to reach out to people is just...mind-blowing. I'm not even sure how Google works, but from the (very little) knowledge I have, it doesn't really make sense why my post shows up first. All I know is that it does.

I've also been convicted about the stuff I post on here...while none of it is really bad, per se, I realized that a lot more people read this than I had previously realized, and I have not been using the online platform that God has provided for me to glorify Him. There's a lot of stuff He has been teaching me, and I haven't been faithful to write about it. This is something that I want to change.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

All I saw was the blood on your hands

I needed
Because I couldn't do it on my own

I wanted
To be able to do anything

I needed
To show me that I couldn't

I missed
Because I tried to do it on my own

I lost
Because I was blinded by pride

I need
I am worthless on my own

I missed
All I saw was the blood on Your hands

I missed
I didn't see the nails you held

I missed
Those nails were supposed to be in my hands

I called
Not knowing where to go

You heard
And offered me your hand

I saw
And almost didn't take it

But I need
So I place my hand in Yours

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Sing me sweet melodies of memories

I wonder if anyone else has experienced this...

I was listening to some music today, and a specific song came on. As I was listening, specific memories started popping up in my head...and I realized that there are a lot of songs in my life that have specific memories attached to them. Whenever I hear them, I will start thinking about specific events or people, or sometimes, just general seasons of my life. The reason will oftentimes be extremely random...

...for example, the song that prompted this realization was the song Forgiven by Relient K. As I was listening, images of my time at my internship up at Awana headquarters kept flashing through my head. When I hear that song, I think about Chicago, Awana, Northwestern, Bryce, Ariane...because one random evening, Bryce played the song on his laptop. I had only heard the song once or twice before, and as I listened I said "I recognize this song, but I can't place it." Bryce told me it was by Relient K...and from then on, that song brings back memories of Chicago.

There are other songs like that...My Savior, My God reminds me of Summit 2007 because that was the first place I heard it, Getting Into You by Relient K reminds me of Scholarship Camp 2005, Hey Stephen by Taylor Swift reminds me of my first semester at college (my sister randomly sent me the link to the song while I was away), Innocent Bones by Iron and Wine reminds me of spending time with Michelle in her apartment...

That was really random...anyone else experienced something similar?