Friday, February 27, 2009

Of course, I'm an overachiever

Emma: "Waaaait...you want to drop Spanish instead of anatomy, because you want to be able to say you got an A in the difficult weed-out class....(smile)...right?"

Of course. I can always take Spanish over again, but if I drop anatomy, it's the end.

Preparing to take a big blow to my ego come Monday or Tuesday...

Thursday, February 26, 2009

All is okay with Baylor

Translation:

After many discussions with my parents, career counseling, and lots of thinking, reading, and praying, I've made the decision to change my major from nursing to business and drop anatomy and take the grade of drop passing. All that's left to do is actually go into the office and make it official. Which I will hopefully have done soon...

(Underlying message of that last line: There's still a nagging voice in my head that says that this semester hasn't been successful if I do end up dropping a class...)

Sunday, February 22, 2009

What I Hate About Baylor

I hate that Baylor is a rich kid's university. You can't just consider the $35000/year price tag for tuition, room and board. You also have to consider lots of other things such as the fact that you will pay $4 a week to do laundry (unless you live in north village, in which case you will just pay a much higher price tag for your board), random tickets for plays, sing, etc., and probably around $20/week for food, even if you are on the 16 meal/week plan, because nobody wants to go eat at McDonald's or Taco Bell.

I hate that there is so much to do. There is just not enough time to do everything in the day that you HAVE to do, much less what you want to do. Yes, I love the fact that there are opportunities for social enhancements, resume building, and personal enrichment around every corner. I just don't have time to even scratch the surface of all the opportunities if I want to keep my grades up.

I hate that despite this being a rich kid's university, if I want to dress up and wear my business pants and heels, people will look at me funny. Doesn't matter that the girl over there is probably wearing $300 designer jeans and $100 flats with her Baylor Tshirt. Doesn't matter that I only paid $15 for my pants and $12 for my shoes. I'm going to be the one viewed as a snob. Oh yes.

I hate the stupid stereotypes that come with each residence hall. I also hate that a lot of them are true. I hate living in Collins. I am not a Collins girl. Nobody told me that when I say I live in Collins, people will look at me funny. Because living in Collins apparently means that I am an airhead who doesn't care about my studies as best, and a slutty sorority girl at worst. Please don't call me a Collins girl. I'm not.

I'm okay. Really, I am. I just need spring break to get here a little bit sooner...

Thursday, February 19, 2009

She was humbled as she realized just how many plans she had made for her life that God had changed. One by one she had made them, one by one He had torn them down. Even the ones she had been sure she had made during her closest moments with God and within His will were being torn away right in front of her. Or were they? God was feeling further away than He had before...were her plans changing the further she got from God? Was she really growing distant from God, or was it just a feeling? She still prayed, she still attended church every Sunday, she had amazing Christian friends, she spent time in the Word. Maybe not as often as she should, but still, she was spending time in the Word. The Word told her in the Psalms that God would give her the desires of her heart. What if she didn't know what she wanted? She wanted to be in God's will. Whether that meant marriage or singleness, graduate school or never finishing college, a successful career in the states or life as a missionary overseas, or whatever major she chose...she didn't want to find herself outside of God's will. It was just way too scary of a place to find herself.

God, am I making the right decision? Making one more mistake could really cost me this time...

Saturday, February 14, 2009

This is Shaney. Shaney makes plans. God laughs.

I called up my mother yesterday with a question that I am struggling with, and probably will be struggling with for the next few weeks.

How do you know if you want to change a major because you really think you'd like something else better, or if you're just being a wimp because of one hard class?

I made a D on my first anatomy exam. D. I don't make D's on exams. I've made C's, but typically I make A's and B's. The class is amazingly difficult-which is actually kinda sad because I took this class before, in high school, and made an A. So why am I struggling now? Is it because the teacher is hard, or because the subject matter is hard? Does the fact that I'm struggling now, in the prerequisite courses, mean that nursing is not the field for me? If just taking this one class is draining me, will I be able to handle nursing school?

OR am I just being a wimp because I don't like struggling through a class? It's not that I haven't struggled through classes before. When I took anatomy in high school I studied for that class for hours upon hours each day. When I took Chemistry in high school, I had a difficult time with that class as well. Classes like American Government were no walk in the park either. I don't know...I've just never struggled this much with a single class.

When I talked to Mom yesterday, one of the things she said to think about was what I wanted to do after graduation, and what I could do if I pursued a different degree. What if I really, honestly have no clue what I want to do? I do know that at some point I want to get married and have a family. Nursing was a good fit because it's so flexible. I can have a family and not give up my career. But is that why I chose it-because of the career flexibility, not because I actually enjoy the field itself? Do I like the field of nursing? I liked anatomy when I took it in high school-but was that because I actually enjoyed the subject matter? Or did I like it because the teacher was fun and the subject matter was new?

Are there other factors coming into play that make me want to change my major? The nursing school is in Dallas. If I change my major I wouldn't have to move in 2010. If the nursing school were here in Waco, would I still be thinking about changing my major, or would I put on my game face and stick with the program no matter how challenging?

I'll be wrestling with these questions over the next few weeks. Between spending time with God and His Word, nursing shadowing at Providence hospital, and continuing through anatomy, hopefully I'll find some clarity as to whether nursing is actually the field I want to be in or not. Whatever happens, God is in control. Whether I stay in nursing, or change my major, all I have to do is follow God's leading, wherever that is. Sometimes I just wish he would write it down where I could read it though. You know, something like the book of Baylor, chapter 50, verse 23 "...and Shaney shall stick with her nursing major," or "...and Shaney shall change her major to..."

Oh, and the plans to go on a missions trip to Africa in May fell through. Now I have no clue if, where, and when I'm going on a missions trip this summer.

We make plans, God laughs.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Dear...continued

Dear Michelle,
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1001508/
Let me know when you're free and we'll go see it, okay? :)
Sincerely, Shaney
----------------------
Dear Cotton,
No one may know what animal you are, but it doesn't matter. You're still amazingly cute, and I'm so glad I got to hold you for a little bit. Hopefully I'll see you again.
Sincerely, Shaney
----------------------
Dear adulthood,
You are overrated.
Sincerely, Shaney
----------------------
Dear college,
You are also overrated.
Sincerely, Shaney
----------------------
Dear freedom,
You, on the other hand, are not overrated. Unfortunately your fraternal twin responsibility keeps getting in your way.
Sincerely, Shaney
----------------------
Dear boys at swing dance,
Ask girls to dance. Ask a VARIETY of girls to dance.
Sincerely, Shaney
----------------------
Dear men at swing dance,
If you ask a variety of girls to dance:
Thank you.
Sincerely, Shaney
----------------------
Dear good dancers at Ft. Worth,
Thank you for not doing the same moves I'm used to over and over again, and forcing me to follow. It's so much fun.
Sincerely, Shaney
----------------------
Dear Dallas,
Thank you for being a beautiful city. At least I have something to look forward to when I move to nursing school.
Sincerely, Shaney
----------------------

Dear...Sincerely, Shaney

Dear Anatomy,
Let me sleep already.
Sincerely, Shaney
----------------------------
Dear Spanish,
Thank you for being relatively easy. Unfortunately, I'm still not that fond of you.
Sincerely, Shaney
----------------------------
Dear schedule,
We need to make some adjustments.
Sincerely, Shaney
----------------------------
Dear Ricki,
Fly to Texas. I love you. *Hug*
Sincerely, Shaney
----------------------------
Dear Sarah Ruth,
Move to Waco. Now. I need you. Got it?
Sincerely, Shaney
----------------------------
Dear Jonathan,
I'm sorry I haven't called. I'm just insanely busy. I'll call soon, I promise. Just not this weekend.
Sincerely, Shaney
----------------------------
Dear GPA,
Just say up there. I'll catch up soon enough, okay?
Shaney
----------------------------
Dear Daddy,
I love when you send me text messages. You should send me more. :)
Sincerely, Shaney
----------------------------
Dear boys everywhere,
Be nice. Open the door and don't expect anything more than a smile and a thank you. Don't make sexist jokes and don't use "woman" as a derogatory term. It gets on my nerves.
Sincerely, Shaney
----------------------------
Dear professors,
I have other classes too, you know.
Sincerely, Shaney
----------------------------
Dear rich kids at Baylor,
No, your cars do not impress me. Neither do your phones. Or your clothes. Quit flaunting them.
Sincerely, Shaney
----------------------------
Dear Stephen,
The above ^^ was not directed at you. I actually like your car and am sad that it got hurt :(
Sincerely, Shaney
----------------------------
Dear Emma,
You need a texting plan.
Sincerely, Shaney
----------------------------
Dear long walks,
Thank you for keeping my sanity intact.
Sincerely, Shaney
----------------------------
Dear life,
I hate you. I love you. I can't live without you.
Sincerely, Shaney
----------------------------
Dear Shaney,
You really do have everything under control, even though it doesn't feel like it.
Sincerely, Shaney
----------------------------
Dear Shaney,
Hah. Quit fooling yourself.
Sincerely, Shaney