This is Shaney. Shaney makes plans. God laughs.

I called up my mother yesterday with a question that I am struggling with, and probably will be struggling with for the next few weeks.

How do you know if you want to change a major because you really think you'd like something else better, or if you're just being a wimp because of one hard class?

I made a D on my first anatomy exam. D. I don't make D's on exams. I've made C's, but typically I make A's and B's. The class is amazingly difficult-which is actually kinda sad because I took this class before, in high school, and made an A. So why am I struggling now? Is it because the teacher is hard, or because the subject matter is hard? Does the fact that I'm struggling now, in the prerequisite courses, mean that nursing is not the field for me? If just taking this one class is draining me, will I be able to handle nursing school?

OR am I just being a wimp because I don't like struggling through a class? It's not that I haven't struggled through classes before. When I took anatomy in high school I studied for that class for hours upon hours each day. When I took Chemistry in high school, I had a difficult time with that class as well. Classes like American Government were no walk in the park either. I don't know...I've just never struggled this much with a single class.

When I talked to Mom yesterday, one of the things she said to think about was what I wanted to do after graduation, and what I could do if I pursued a different degree. What if I really, honestly have no clue what I want to do? I do know that at some point I want to get married and have a family. Nursing was a good fit because it's so flexible. I can have a family and not give up my career. But is that why I chose it-because of the career flexibility, not because I actually enjoy the field itself? Do I like the field of nursing? I liked anatomy when I took it in high school-but was that because I actually enjoyed the subject matter? Or did I like it because the teacher was fun and the subject matter was new?

Are there other factors coming into play that make me want to change my major? The nursing school is in Dallas. If I change my major I wouldn't have to move in 2010. If the nursing school were here in Waco, would I still be thinking about changing my major, or would I put on my game face and stick with the program no matter how challenging?

I'll be wrestling with these questions over the next few weeks. Between spending time with God and His Word, nursing shadowing at Providence hospital, and continuing through anatomy, hopefully I'll find some clarity as to whether nursing is actually the field I want to be in or not. Whatever happens, God is in control. Whether I stay in nursing, or change my major, all I have to do is follow God's leading, wherever that is. Sometimes I just wish he would write it down where I could read it though. You know, something like the book of Baylor, chapter 50, verse 23 "...and Shaney shall stick with her nursing major," or "...and Shaney shall change her major to..."

Oh, and the plans to go on a missions trip to Africa in May fell through. Now I have no clue if, where, and when I'm going on a missions trip this summer.

We make plans, God laughs.