Friday, December 11, 2009

Blessings of God

I feel incredibly blessed right now.

*I got a 97 on my calculus final for a 95 average in the class!
*I get to see Bekah and Erika in Minnesota when finals are over!!!!
*I get to visit Awana headquarters for a couple days prior to going to Minnesota!
*Headquarters is paying for my airline tickets.
*My bus ticket to Minnesota was only $27.
*Brice using his employee discount so I could get an amazingly sturdy winter coat from American Eagle for half off.
*Mindy letting me use her car so that I could get to the mall to pick out said coat, as well as finish all my Christmas shopping for my Baylor friends.
*Finding amazing presents for all my friends!
*Mindy's cinnamon roll recipe at Starbucks.
*Mindy...enough said.
*Jordan letting me use his sleeping bag so that I don't freeze in my own room.
*Getting to see Michelle Kick today.

Life is good...:) :) :)

Monday, December 7, 2009

Thoughts on living in the era of grace

Okay, now that I've finally put all my jumbled thoughts about majors out there, I'll leave y'all with a much happier note.

I read Hebrews 1 and 2 in my quiet time yesterday, and I realized that people in the Old Testament didn't have Christ to look to as a fully human (yet fully God) example of how to live life. Only those of us who live during and after Christ get to look at Christ. Only we get to ask ourselves "What Would Jesus Do?"

Just another perk of living under grace. :) I <3 God's grace. It's amazing stuff.

Majors, minors, careers, LIFE...why?

I've been thinking a lot lately about what I want to major in. The more I think, though, the more confused I get.

I grew up thinking that I would have a career. Sophomore year of high school, I wanted to go to law school, become a lawyer, become a judge, and then work my way up to the supreme court. Junior year of high school, however, God changed my heart and gave me a vision for being a "family woman". I ended my junior year of high school wanting to get married, have children, homeschool them, and support my husband in his ministry. If God had called me to get married straight out of high school and not gone to college, I would have been happy with that. However, two factors continued to propel me on the path to college: 1) A father who insisted that I go to college, and 2) a full-tuition scholarship to Baylor. Okay, so it's obviously God's will that I go to college. So I did. But I chose a major based on what I believed would help prepare me to eventually take care of a family, as well as being something I could easily fall back on full or part time should I ever need to work. I chose nursing.

Then second semester freshman year comes. I realize that I don't like nursing. I'm not a science person. My brain doesn't think that way. Sure, I can handle blood and guts and needles...but the thought of taking anatomy and physiology 2, pharmacology, sounded like torture after taking anatomy 1. I wasn't happy with this. This wasn't how God made me. So I called my parents. I went to career counseling. I prayed about it. I figured out that while my brain and science don't work well together, my brain and business work together fabulously. So I made the switch.

I'm now at the end of my first semester of my sophomore year. I've taken courses in accounting, economics, business, etc., and enjoyed it so much. This is how my brain works. I'm happy doing this. But next semester, I have to decide and declare a specific major within the business school.

I had thought that I would double-major in nonprofit marketing and management after interning with Awana this summer. I realized that I really, really like working with nonprofits. I could see myself working with Awana, Mission Possible, LifeCare Pregnancy, an adoption agency, or even just in my local church. Give me a cause I love and I am really passionate about working for it. I'll do it for no money.

But the more I think about it, the more I realize that I can't see myself in a full-time position. Not even in a nonprofit. When I picture my future, I continue to picture it as one where I have a few kids, adopt a few kids, homeschool all of them, do a lot of work with my local church and local nonprofits, but always keeping my role as a wife and homemaker my first priority. The only "job" I can really picture myself having is teaching with Teach for America my first couple years out of college. But I can't even picture myself doing that for more than a few years.

So why am I even at college at all?

What am I supposed to be preparing for? Surely this is not some time-killing transition between high school and marriage. Surely I should be using the opportunities I have in front of me to prepare for something. But what in the business school could possibly prepare me for being a wife and mother?

Okay, so let's review my current options and why they may or may not be good ideas:

Economics I started thinking seriously about this one when I realized that microeconomics was my favorite class this semester. It's weird-I tend to be a more detail-oriented person, and economics is all about the big picture. But I LOVE this class. It has changed my perspective on so many issues. It has changed the way I think. If I majored in economics, I could teach high school economics with Teach for America when I graduate. If I ever decide that I do want a career for whatever reason, economics opens up a whole range of options.

Non-profit Marketing Makes sense since I love working with non-profits, right? I guess...except for the fact that if non-profit marketing didn't exist at Baylor, I don't think I would choose to major in marketing. It's not that I wouldn't make a good marketing major-I know I would. The thought of majoring in marketing or having a career in marketing just doesn't excite me...except for the non-profit part.

Management I asked my best friend Sarah when we were still in high school, "What do you major in if you want to be in charge of stuff?" Management would fit my personality really, really well. No matter what I major in, I've already decided there's a bunch of management electives I want to take. The question is what I could do with this degree if I actually made management my major. Then there's the question of whether I would major in general management, distribution management & technology (logistics management, basically), or human resources management. All options have their pros and cons.

Financial Services Out of all the majors in the business school, this is the only one that I actually think would be helpful for being a wife and a mother, as I would be really, really good with our personal finances. Not sure what else I would do with this degree, though. I don't think I want to be a CFP.

Public Administration Would combine this with an economics major. If I ever wanted to work for the government or get involved in politics, this would be a really good major to have. I could potentially see myself getting involved in politics in some way, especially after my kids are grown.

I know that if I trust God, pray about it, and keep my mind and heart open as I take my classes, the answer will eventually be given to me. I just don't like not knowing where I'm going. Especially when it feels like you're on the wrong path for where you're supposed to be going. I did not come to Baylor to get an MRS. degree. If I wanted an MRS. degree, I would have gone somewhere else. Or I wouldn't have gone to college. But I'm not sure what it is I'm really heading towards. Baylor doesn't seem like the type of school, and business doesn't seem to be the type of major, that you go with if all you want to do is get married and raise a family. Heck, college doesn't even make sense at this point.

Sorry for all that rambling. All I'm trying to say is that right now, it doesn't feel like that path I'm on leads to the destination I feel I'm supposed to end up at.

I'm so confused. My head hurts.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Letter to myself

Something I found in my journal recently. I apologize for the way it starts out in first person, then randomly switches to second.

This is an edited version...certain names have been deleted to protect certain people. :P

I'm learning a lot about myself. I'm learning that I'm more stubborn than I previously thought. I'm learning that true satisfaction is found in God alone. I've realized that I'm a lot more independent than I had once realized. I want to be in charge. I want to be in control. I at least want to be percieved as in control. I am not in control. God alone is in control. I want to do it all. I can't do everything. I try to plan ahead for what I can't.
So dream of Chicago. Work toward that goal. But remain open to other possibilities. Because He may call you to stay in Waco, or go to Chicago, or to Washington D.C., or Africa. Wait on God for His plan and His timing.
Drink tea and write from your desk or swing, and be content that you are doing God's will. Let a friend cry on your shoulder, and be content that you are doing God's will. Travel and speak to thousands-but only if it is God's will. Be excited about where you are right now-carefree, single, and loving it. Fall in love with God now, not later. Spoil your girlfriends. Decorate your apartment, and negotiate the price down. Love your life now. Teach Sunday School and play the piano. Enjoy your life now and follow God into the future.

Lose control and quit being so stubborn!

Friday, November 27, 2009

"Anything less than yes is no
Anything less than stay is go
Anything less than 'I love you' is lying"

-Friends, Lovers, or Nothing, John Mayer

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

I'm finally home...

First day of Thanksgiving break. I have been needing this break so badly. I have so much on my mind right now.

A lawyer called Monday morning about the accident. He called while I was in class and left a very vague message, so I have no clue which side he is on, what the two sides even are, or why he wants to talk to me. I haven't called him back, and he hasn't tried again. Hopefully he won't. But my gut (and my friend's dad who is a lawyer) says he likely will. Jordan and Marshall offered to take care of the lawyer for me should he continue to bother me. I really, really want to let them. But if I get subpoenaed to testify in court, then there's nothing they can do. They promised to protect me, and I want to believe them. But once I'm told I have to testify, there's nothing they can do. Their protection can only go so far. Really, there is only One who can fully protect me. It's just easier when you're protection has flesh and blood.

It's not that I'm scared I'll get hurt physically. I'm not concerned that someone will get upset at me and threaten me. I just don't know who's being tried for what, and what consequences my testimony could possibly have in whether or not someone goes to jail. And also, I'm concerned that I may have to testify at a time when so much else is happening. I can't concentrate on other stuff and deal with this at the same time. I texted Jordan Monday night and said "I am trying to stay calm, but this genuinely scares me." But what am I scared of? I guess I'm scared of my world being turned upside down again. Maybe my faith needs exercise. If I really did trust God to take care of this, I doubt I would feel this nervous.

That's what God has been teaching me lately, actually. Well, that and several other things. Faith and trust, and letting go of my need for control. Oh my goodness. I just barely realized this week how AMAZINGLY STUBBORN I really am. I don't want to be stubborn. Yes I want to be firm, I want to be steadfast. But I don't want to be stubborn. But I am. This also translates into a need for control. Which basically boils down to a lack of faith and trust in God. I want to let go. I want to let God take care of everything. But at a point in time where everything seems to be spiraling out of control, I only end up trying even harder to make sure everything is in place. Oh Lord, I am so hardheaded. Please help me...

I've realized that I know far less about guys that I originally supposed. I've had a LOT of guy friends growing up. I've read "For Women Only", "For Young Women Only", and "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus". I know guys a lot better than a lot of my gal friends who have had boyfriends. Maybe I know guys decently well because I've never had a boyfriend. Whatever...anyways, the point is I thought I knew a lot about guys, but I realized that I don't really. Jordan and I got into a fight last Monday, and because of miscommunication issues didn't end up talking until Thursday. Worst three days of my life. We talked it all out on Thursday night...but ever since then, I keep thinking about our conversation, and light bulbs keep going off right and left. Oh my goodness. Guys are different from girls. DUH...

I'm trying to decide what I want to get involved in next semester. I was originally thinking debate. I did debate in high school and LOVED it. I've also been considering student government. But I don't want to do both. I want to choose one or the other. Debate is what I've done before and what I know I love and am passionate about. But choosing debate would mean giving up swing dance. Student government, on the other hand, would allow me to continue being involved in swing dance. But I've never done student government before, and I don't know if I would love it as much as debate. Gah...

Also having to choose between majors and minors. I was originally thinking I'd double major in non-profit marketing and management. Then I thought I'd add on a communication minor. Then I realized that would mean 18 hour semesters from here on out. I'm not willing to do that. So keep the management major, or the communication minor, or....?

I won't do all three, though. For the same reason I won't do student government and debate at the same time. Am I an overacheiver? Yes. BUT-I'm not crazy about school. I would rather have one or two things to focus on, and cook my own dinner from scratch at night then run around doing everything. There's a domestic side to me that needs to be nurtured. Even if I'm not "homemaker" material...I'm still a woman. And to me, that means not losing the homemaker side of me, even when I do have what it takes to be competitive in the business school and eventually become a wealthy CEO.

Speaking of the domestic side of stuff...I started knitting today. The first couple of rows were lessons in patience. But once I started getting the hang of it, I realized it's really relaxing. I'm so proud of myself. I eventually want to get to the point where I can knit my own sweaters. But I'll just make scarves for now. I feel so accomplished, able to add just one more skill to the list of what I can do...

I've been thinking a lot about my future plans. I thought that upon graduation I would move to Chicago and work for Awana. But a few things have changed just even in the past two weeks that have caused me to reconsider that. I now have no real clue what I want to do upon graduation. Chicago may still be the plan. Teach for America in Dallas, Houston, Austin, or anywhere else could be another possible plan. I may just get married. The plan could be something totally different that I can't see right now.

I walked around downtown Austin just a little bit today, and I realized just how much I love downtown of anywhere. Be it Waco, Austin, Dallas, Chicago...I am a city girl through and through. There are aspects of the country I love. There are aspects of small towns that I love. But I think, deep down, that the DNA of my soul says "city girl".

If you made it through all that rambling, I am super impressed.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Dear American Culture

Dear American Culture,

I sympathize with your strongly expressed "J" personality. Being an ESTJ myself, I can relate to really liking to have things planned out in advanced and not having to worry about it. However, I think you've gone a little too far. When I have to decide housing for the 2010-2011 school year in November of 2009, when I have to decide plans for summer 2010 when it's not even December 2009, and when I have to have an idea of what I want to do after graduation so I can decide on stuff like majors and summer plans now, things have definitely gone too far. I'm not even the same person now I was a week ago. How in the world do I know what's going to be going on in several months or years? I would really, really appreciate being given more time to decide on things like this. For example, being able to figure out summer plans in March, housing in May, and post-graduation plans senior year would be awesome.


I should quite trying... figure out God's plan and just go with the flow. Because this is what happens when Shaney tries to figure out God's plan:

Today: "Sweet, it all makes sense!"
Tomorrow: "...that doesn't make any sense at all."

Which is why I absolutely despise trying to make summer plans when it's not even December yet.

Internship with Awana in Chicago?
Internship with Teach for America in Houston?
Youth ministry internship in Austin (or elsewhere)?
Back to my lifeguarding job?
Other job?
Two jobs?
Camp Nikos?
Something else not on this list?

...any combination of any of the above?

Good grief.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

The scariest prayer I've ever prayed?


Please don't let things go back to normal until I've taken significant steps toward loving, trusting, and relying on you, and letting go of my pride and need for control. I don't care how long that is, please wait as long as it takes. This is a real opportunity for me to grow closer to You, and I want to take it. Please don't fix things just yet.

I can't believe I just asked that, but I really think I genuinely mean it.


Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Composing and Writing

Parts of the two songs I've been working on lately (Side note: I've actually been going to the music building during my breaks and playing the relaxing...):

The chorus of my most recent song, imagine it being sung in the style of Relient K:

Because I call you then we end up in a fight
I hate you but I need you in my life
I love you but you frustrate me so
Why can't we just let this all go?
When I cry you hold me all night long
Too many emotions, and so I write this song
I know I've been handed everything
But I'm not sure that you are what I want anymore

This is actually part of a song I wrote senior year in high school, but I never felt like I finished it. Imagine it set to a piano ballad:

Blood flows down from the one on the cross
Someone else's gain has resulted in His loss
Because He cared He took it all
Every sin since the fall
And the innocent hangs in agony

You never thought that it would hurt this much to care
This heavy burden, oh, it's just too much to bear
And so you lie awake at night
Pray and cry and fight the fight
And your heart cries out in agony

God are you there?
God do you care?
Why are You leaving me here to bleed and die?
God can't you see?
What is your plan for me?
Why are you leaving me here to bleed and die?

"My God, My God, oh, why hast Thou forsaken Me?
My God, My God, oh, why hast Thou forsaken Me?"

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Spring 2010 Class Schedule

CSS 1301-01-Fundamentals of Public Communication-English-MWF 8:00-8:50
ECO 2307-01-Principles of Macroeconomics-Mencken-MWF 10:10-11:00
QBA 2305-04-Business Data Analysis 2-Hulme-MWF 11:15-12:05
ACC 2304-05-Managerial Accounting-Bryant-MW 2:30-3:45
MKT 3305-06-Principles of Marketing-Blocker-TTh 12:30-1:45
MGT 3305-08-Organizational Behavior-Norris-TTh 2:00-3:15

For anyone who's counting, that's 6 classes, 18 hours. I'm so amazingly excited about this schedule.

Pray for Sarah Ruth

Hey everyone,

If you wouldn't mind praying for my friend Sarah, that would be awesome.

(Okay, so "my friend" is a bit of an understatement. More like "The girl who knows me better than I know myself because I've known her since she was 8 and I was 9 and I spent a huge chunk of my life at her house and saw her more frequently than anyone else during high school save my family, and one time her dad asked me where the other half of "Sarah-Shaney" was, and we always will be bestest friends/sisters by choice for forever and alwaaaaaaaaaayz....anyway...)

She passed out in the bathroom yesterday, fell and hit her head, went to the ER and now has five stitches...the doctors did an EKG and found out that she has a short PR interval in her heart rate, which basically makes her more prone to passing out. She's going to need to see a cardiologist about that...she's doing well, but please pray that she continues to stay that way and that she will find the right cardiologist, and that she can monitor this problem well, or hopefully just take care of it altogether.

That is all...

Friday, November 13, 2009

Psalm 63

O God, You are my God; early will I seek you; my soul thirsts for You; my flesh longs for you in a dry and thirsty land where there is no water. So I have looked for You in the sanctuary, to see Your power and Your glory. Because Your lovingkindness is better than life, my lips shall praise You. Thus I will bless You while I live; I will lift up my hands in Your name. My soul shall be satisfied as with marrow and fatness, and my mouth shall praise You with joyful lips. When I remember You on my bed, I meditate on You in the night watches. Because You have been my help, therefore in the shadow of Your wings I will rejoice. My soul follows close behind You; Your right hand upholds me. But those who seek my life, to destroy it, shall go into the lower parts of the earth. They shall fall by the sword; they shall be a portion for jackalls. But the king shall rejoice in God; everyone who swears by Him shall glory; but the mouth of those who speak lies shall be stopped.

Lord, may I desire you with the same passion that David did.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

I finally have *my* life back?

I've decided I'm going to write a book. What about? I guess we'll just have to wait and see, won't we? I'm *planning* on being done with the book by January, but we'll have to see if God has other plans...

I took my last test of my second round of tests yesterday (thanks to the accident and rescheduling tests, I had one test every day Tuesday-Wednesday-Thursday-Friday-Monday). And, after two weeks of my world being turned upside-down, I walked out of the business school and realized...I'm free! I don't remember the last time I felt such a burden lifted off my shoulders. At lunch, when I saw Jordan I said "Give me a hug!" and then said "I finally have my life back!"

I've been thinking about that, I really have my life back? Was it ever really my life in the first place? Did God really mean for me to go through two weeks of hell...just for life to return to the way it was? I don't think so. Surely all this was for something. And now I'm trying to figure that out. Which is mainly what I want to write my book about.

In other news, I got to the final round of the Ethics SLAM! today, which means I go head-to-head with another guy in my class next Tuesday to see who wins $300 and who wins $150. All that speech training high school is literally paying off. :)

What else? Oh yes, apartment hunting. Gathering info, making spreadsheets, comparing plans with three other girls and trying to find the right one. Is it weird that I actually love this process?

Praying about a lot of stuff...summer plans (internship up in Chicago, or stay at home and work like crazy, or both, or neither...?), plans for next year (debate team possibly?), and degree plans (communication minor? Keep both majors or drop one?). Wow, I just said "plans" a lot. Sometimes I think that it would be easier to be a "P" rather than a "J" on the Myers-Briggs personality test. Because while I know God is a "J" (after all, He had everything planned out before the foundation of the world), it seems He acts more like a "P". Or at least, forces us to act more like "P's".

I should write about my weekend in Brownwood soon. Because of the accident, I never did get around to it like I planned, but too much happened just to let it slip by...

Monday, November 2, 2009


Today, I realized that I have lost control of my life.

Then I remembered that God has it.

MLIOK (My Life Is OK)

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Family Prayer

Mindy called a "family prayer meeting" tonight. Oh my goodness. It was amazing. I've really been needing this. It was so healthy. Mindy, Erika, Carroll, Stephen, Jordan, and Mindy's roommate Chloe were all there. Many tears were shed...many requests were shared...there was much laughter, and much prayer. It was amazing. I'm pretty sure we're planning to do this every week, and words can't express how grateful I am for that.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Bathroom Verses

Today, I got the random idea that perhaps, dry erase markers could be used to write on bathroom mirrors. So I pulled out one of my dry erase markers that I rarely use, and tried it. It works perfectly. I plan to start putting verses on my bathroom mirror.

The first verse on my mirror is one that Adam Hardy sent me for encouragement:

"Therefore I will look to the LORD; I will wait for the God of my salvation; My God will hear me!"-Micah 7:7

Thursday, October 29, 2009


Daniel: "He graciously didn't let you get more involved so that it didn't hurt more. It could have easily happened where you gave cpr and they both still died, or you had to pick which one to give cpr to."

Me: "Oh...I hadn't thought of that."

This process is a lot slower than I would like it to be. I'm meeting with Kyle (my college pastor) tomorrow to talk through everything.

I have been getting so angry at God during my prayer time that I have actually said, out loud, "What the f***, God?" ...and then cried.

I don't want to get mad at God, and I don't want to go through each day playing the "What if?" and "Why?" games.

I just want life to return to normal.

...but I guess it's not going to, is it? After all, this is no movie, or television drama, or novel. This is my life.

Processing is a painful process.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

I'll Let You Eavesdrop

God, can we talk for a minute?

Or rather, can I vent and you listen? Thanks.

I don't get it, God. I just don't get it. It really seems like You didn't think this one through. It seems like you went to a lot of trouble to make sure that I was at the wreck when it happened. From Adam gently pushing me to leave Brownwood so that I didn't drive in the incoming storm, to being pulled over by the policeman when I honestly thought I was fine, to getting lost and having to backtrack to Waco Drive...You sure did go to a lot of trouble to get the timing right.

For what reason, God? It doesn't seem to have made a difference that I was there.

I wasn't planning on becoming a lifeguard five years ago. That was a job that You pretty much handed to me. Because of that job, I have been training for years on how to respond in an emergency situation. I knew exactly what I needed to do. Even as I saw the men in the truck, the thoughts of "I need to check the ABCs...airway, breathing, circulation..." were right there in my mind, screaming at me. But I was helpless to do anything. Why? Because the door was in the way. It took at least five firemen leaning on the giant pliers to get the door loose. I could have done something, God. I was six inches away from helping them and a stupid piece of metal and glass kept me from doing so. You could have done something. Why didn't You?

Why did they have to die, God? I called 911 not even ten seconds after the wreck happened. EMS was there in less than five minutes. I couldn't have responded more quickly, God. But it wasn't soon enough.

God, all I'm trying to say is that it doesn't make sense. It really seems like you put a lot of thought into this one-from putting a job in my lap that would prepare me to respond to this five years ago to timing my driving down to the very second so that I was at the wreck but not caught in it...for no reason at all. I couldn't do anything, God. I was completely helpless to actually do anything. So it all seems pretty pointless, God.

I know that You're the all-knowing, all-powerful, all-perfect Creator of the universe and I am a pathetic, insignificant, doubting sinner who is nothing more than a blip on the screen, and therefore I'm in no position to ask You this. But I feel like You owe me an explanation. Because dang it, God, You did a pretty darn good job of planning this one out. You better have a reason for it.

Lord, I believe. Please help my unbelief.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Life update

XTax was fun. We didn't place, but it was a good experience. :)

Awana conference went really well. I had probably about ten people total at my first two workshops (trek and journey basic training) but they really went well, plus I was expecting low turnout at those two. The LIT workshop was overflowing, though. We quickly ran out of chairs and probably half the people in the room were sitting on the floor. I was really excited about how it went. The missionaries' kids wrapped my car in paper while we were at Rudy's afterwards...:P

Fall break was really nice. Came up with a really cute halloween costume idea. Speaking of halloween, any and all Baylor students really need to come to the swing halloween dance on October 30th. The theme is Phantom of the Opera. It's going to be amazing.

My roommate got a dog this weekend. Her name is Zuzu, she's a chihuahua mix and she's the cutest, sweetest thing ever. Love her already. :)

I might get to fly up to Chicago sometime before December 31st of this year.

What else? Oh yes, I get to go up to Howard Payne University next weekend and see some of my best friends in the entire world, including a couple I haven't seen for 10 months.

Cold weather is finally coming to Waco.

Life is good. :)

Friday, October 9, 2009

Not that anybody sends me flowers...

I saw this advertisement on the sidebar of my e-mail account today: Flowers and gifts to say I'm sorry. Order today.

I don't know why, but for some reason I thought, "Is that all that people think flowers and gifts are for? How sad."

I know I'd appreciate it a whole lot more if somebody sent me flowers or bought me a gift "just because", rather than waiting until they need to apologize for something. "Just because" gifts are a rarity.

Yeah, totally random thought of the day...

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Do I really give freely?

"You give freely to others without expecting anything in return: Yes/No"

I have almost always answered "yes" to the above question on the Myers-Briggs personality test--but lately, I have been wondering if I really give freely. I recently sent a friend of mine an encouraging text and was disappointed when I went the entire day without hearing back from her. I was thinking about that, and I realized that I do expect a lot in return for giving to others. I expect to be loved and appreciated. Sure, I'll feed you and not ask you to give me money or food in return. I'll buy you something and not expect you to pay me back. If you need a place to stay, mi casa es su casa. But if I do that for somebody and don't receive even a "thank you" or "I really appreciate you" in return, I feel disappointed. Perhaps I am not expecting anything physical. But I am expecting something in return.

I realized that I am not truly giving of myself freely. I always thought that I was doing a good job of being a servant. I realize now what a load of crap that thinking is. If I send you an encouraging text, I expect one back. If I feed you, I expect a "Thank you". If I tell you I love you, I expect you to at least smile back at me. If I share my burdens with you, I expect you to share your burdens with me.

Give of myself freely? Ha, whatever.

I started wondering, though, if these expectations are truly unreasonable. After all, can somebody really keep giving freely of themselves if no one is giving to them? Is that even possible?

I then realized how twisted that thinking was. I have a relationship with the God who created the universe. He holds everything in his hands. I need to look to him to fill up my "love tank", to shower me with blessings and to extend His grace to me. If I am looking to Him to provide me with everything I need-and I mean everthing-then I can easily give freely to others without ever running out of love to give.

Do I really give of myself freely to others? No, but I'm learning.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

You Are Beautiful

"You are beautiful.

You are not broken.

You are not defective.

You are perfect

Because you were made by the Creator of the universe

And He doesn't make mistakes.

There is nothing about you

That makes you unlovable.

No matter what

You will never be alone.

No matter what

You will never be unloved.

No matter what

You will never be unwanted.

You are beautiful."

It's amazing how words meant for someone else can bless your socks off as well.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

When God Uses Google...(and a random, undeserving girl)

Apparently, I lot of people I don't know have stumbled across my old blog, God Said It Best. I have not updated that blog in over a year, but now I'm wondering if I should...or maybe I should just import the posts over to this blog.

I just found out a couple of days ago that if you Google "God does not care", a link from that blog is the first thing to pop up. When I found out, I was amazed and humbled. That God would use a search engine like Google, and a small article I wrote a long time ago to continue to reach out to people is just...mind-blowing. I'm not even sure how Google works, but from the (very little) knowledge I have, it doesn't really make sense why my post shows up first. All I know is that it does.

I've also been convicted about the stuff I post on here...while none of it is really bad, per se, I realized that a lot more people read this than I had previously realized, and I have not been using the online platform that God has provided for me to glorify Him. There's a lot of stuff He has been teaching me, and I haven't been faithful to write about it. This is something that I want to change.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

All I saw was the blood on your hands

I needed
Because I couldn't do it on my own

I wanted
To be able to do anything

I needed
To show me that I couldn't

I missed
Because I tried to do it on my own

I lost
Because I was blinded by pride

I need
I am worthless on my own

I missed
All I saw was the blood on Your hands

I missed
I didn't see the nails you held

I missed
Those nails were supposed to be in my hands

I called
Not knowing where to go

You heard
And offered me your hand

I saw
And almost didn't take it

But I need
So I place my hand in Yours

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Sing me sweet melodies of memories

I wonder if anyone else has experienced this...

I was listening to some music today, and a specific song came on. As I was listening, specific memories started popping up in my head...and I realized that there are a lot of songs in my life that have specific memories attached to them. Whenever I hear them, I will start thinking about specific events or people, or sometimes, just general seasons of my life. The reason will oftentimes be extremely random...

...for example, the song that prompted this realization was the song Forgiven by Relient K. As I was listening, images of my time at my internship up at Awana headquarters kept flashing through my head. When I hear that song, I think about Chicago, Awana, Northwestern, Bryce, Ariane...because one random evening, Bryce played the song on his laptop. I had only heard the song once or twice before, and as I listened I said "I recognize this song, but I can't place it." Bryce told me it was by Relient K...and from then on, that song brings back memories of Chicago.

There are other songs like that...My Savior, My God reminds me of Summit 2007 because that was the first place I heard it, Getting Into You by Relient K reminds me of Scholarship Camp 2005, Hey Stephen by Taylor Swift reminds me of my first semester at college (my sister randomly sent me the link to the song while I was away), Innocent Bones by Iron and Wine reminds me of spending time with Michelle in her apartment...

That was really random...anyone else experienced something similar?

Sunday, August 30, 2009


Oh my gosh I am so excited about my life right now. I have got so much going on that has got me almost jumping up and down with excitement.

Connection Group I finally joined a small group at my church. Several other sophomore girls with a junior leader. We're meeting from 8-10 every Monday night. Fellowship, prayer, Bible study-oh my word I am so excited. I cannot wait to get to know these girls. In addition, I'm also joining Highland as an official member.

Awana Awana starts this Wednesday. This year I am working with Journey (high school) and T&T girls (hopefully with the same girls I had in Sparks last year.) We had our kickoff luncheon after church today. The Journey group here doesn't seem like it's run anything close to like what my Journey group was like, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. :) It'll just be different.

XTax Comptetition A chance to use my speech and debate skills again. Five-person teams are handed a case and have two weeks to come up with a tax policy to address the case. They then present the case and defend it in a question-and-answer session. Sound really nerdy? That's probably why I'm so excited about it. :) The competition is sponsored by Pricewaterhouse Coopers. Baylor has historically done really well in the competition, and if we do really well there's potentially prize money and internships involved.

Swing Dance We have officially survived our first week. Turnout has been amazing at our first two meetings, and we had a ton of people sign up on the e-mail list during late night at the SLC. I love being an officer. Participation in an organization always takes on an added dimension when you serve in a leadership position.

New Student Organization? Don't know if this will happen this year or next year, but I recently got the idea to start a new organization on campus for students wanting to eventually work in non-profit organizations. Baylor has a major called non-profit marketing, but no student organization dedicated to helping develop their careers. I'd like to open up the organization to students in any major who want to work in non-profit organizations, though. I'll be e-mailing the advisor and hopefully talking with him soon. I have no clue what kind of timeline it will take to start this organization, but now that I've got the idea I'm determined to follow through with it.

Awana Conference The annual fall conference is being held in Waco this year. I'm teaching at least two workshops-24/7 basic training and an LIT workshop/forum. It's on October 10th-if you're an Awana leader in Texas you should come. :)

Still waiting for cooler weather to come around, but in the meantime, I wore a really cute sundress to church today. :)

My life is amazing.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Oh Mr. Sun, Sun, Mr. Golden Sun...

What I really would like right now would be to walk outside and feel a biting cold wind blow across my face. I want to see gray clouds cover the sky, and I want to bundle up in warm clothes.

Most of my life has been spent in Texas. I've always preferred warm weather to cold. But recently I've been finding myself longing for cold weather more and more. Perhaps it's just a result of spending too much time walking around in the sun recently. But really, why do we associate days of sunshine with happiness and cold winter months with depression? Does it really have to be that way? Having sweat practically pour down your body because it's so hot can be just as miserable as weather that is too cold, and the winter months are not devoid of beauty. It's just a different kind of beauty.

Is God really calling me to move to Chicago when I graduate? I don't know for sure, but if He is, I really do think I'll be forever grateful.

In other news...I like my classes (yay for switching to a major I actually like!), I LOVE my apartment, my friends are amazing, Awana starts on Wednesday, I'm joining a Bible study at Highland really soon, I'm hoping to get involved in the student ministry at Highland as well, and I may have an opportunity to put my speech and debate skills to use again. :D

Life is good. Life also has a lot of assignments for me. So I'll go and prepare while I wait for cold weather to come grace my life with it's presence.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Fall 2009 Schedule

Subject to change within the next few weeks:

Accounting 2303-03-Financial Accounting-MWF 10:10-11:00-Jones
Economics 2306-02-Principles of Microeconomics-MWF 9:05-9:55-Mencken
Business 1301-02-Business, Economy, and World Affairs-TTh 11:00-12:15-McCormick
Math 1309-04-Calculus for Business Students-MWF 1:25-2:15-Brooks
Health Education 1145-01-Health and Human Behavior-MW 8:00-8:50-TBA
Quantitative Business Analysis 2302-08-Business Data Analysis 1-TTh 8:00-9:15-Kay

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Summer Closes

Right now, I miss Awana headquarters so much. I miss Bryce and Ariane, who basically became like brother and sister to me. I miss Dale and Luann. I miss Kevin. I miss Olive, and I miss Faith Baptist Church. I miss living in headquarters. I miss the fountain with the fish on the bottom floor, the grass behind headquarters, Kevin's bookcase, and drinking a bunch of cups of tea every day. I miss Art Rorheim, and I miss getting to hug him and give him a kiss. I miss hearing his stories from the early days of Awana, and listening to him recite entire chapters of Scripture at a time.

I am not really all that excited about going back to Baylor. Baylor is not yet home. I love Baylor, don't get me wrong. I love the campus and the people...but it's not home. I'm not sure it will ever be. Despite having spent more time in one month at Baylor then I have spent at Awana headquarters over my entire lifetime, if I could choose I would rather fly back to Chicago then go back to Baylor. Maybe that's just because my memories of Illinois are more recent. Maybe it's because I felt closer to the "real world" up at my internship than I do at college. Maybe it's because I belong in Chicago.

I am super excited about a couple things go. First and most obvious, I am excited about seeing friends like Jordan, Stephen, Taylor, Sarah, Mindy, Erika, Erica, Emma, Shane, Carroll, Landon, Katie, Tracey, etc., etc., etc., again. I am also excited because I found out that one of the pastors at my church is leaving Grace to teach at Baylor-and he teaches in Morrisson Hall, right next to the business school.

But what I am really excited about is starting classes for my new major. I am excited about learning all about business. And I am really excited to start learning things I can actually apply to life and to my future job.

I am excited because I think that this summer God handed me everything I ever really wanted. And I'm excited to see how my time at Baylor will prepare me to step out into the "real world" and take on the assignments that God is handing to me.

Baylor is not home. But it is a stepping stone to where I'm going. And for that, it will be a place I love and cherish always.

Friday, August 7, 2009

My New Address!

So for anybody who would at all be interested in sending me a letter/postcard/package/etc. while I'm at college this year, this is my apartment address!

2201 S. University Parks Drive #10203C
Waco, TX 76706


Monday, July 27, 2009

What is Maturity?

The American Heritage dictionary defines "maturity" as The state or quality of being fully grown or developed. Lately I have been thinking about what it truly means to be emotionally and mentally mature. We are constantly learning new things and adding to our knowledge and range of emotional experiences. At what point are the mind and emotions "fully developed"?

I was talking with a friend of mine who is in her early teens recently, and as we talked I was impressed by the range of topics that she was able to talk about. I thought she was really mature. But as we continued to talk, I started actually listening to what she was saying, and I realized that she hadn't really thought through what she was saying. More than likely, she was just repeating what she had just heard other people say. I realized that she wasn't really as mature for her age as I though she was.

Then I started wondering-at what point is someone truly mature? Physical maturity is obvious. Mental and emotional maturity-not so much. As my experience illustrates, someone can seem mature without actually being mature. This is prevalent in our society. We have twelve and thirteen year olds dating when they're not even close to being ready for marriage.

As I started thinking about it, I started to reach the conclusion that emotional and mental maturity means being able to think for oneself, and then being able to to live out one's life in a productive and (especially for a Christian) God-honoring way. In other words, a mature person's opinions are their opinions because they have thought through the issues for themselves, taking into account facts, wisdom from elders, opinions of other people, and thinking critically through the issue to come to their own conclusions. And once they form their opinions or convictions, they are able to live them out in their daily life.

I searched for the word "mature" on, and the following verse came up:

But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil.-Hebrews 5:14

So, I think I was on the right track. A mature person is one who is able to know was is good and distinguish it from what is evil (requiring the ability to think for oneself-the mature have "trained themselves", they don't rely on others to distinguish good from evil for them), and applies it-"who by constant use".

I realized after thinking about all this that I am not as mature as I once thought I was. A lot of my opinions are mine only because I have heard other people talk about them, not because I have taken time to think through the issues for myself. And just because I "know" good from evil doesn't mean I always utilize this knowledge.

Maturity is a lot more than just being able to talk about a range of "grown-up" subjects. Unless one is thinking for oneself and acting upon their knowledge, one is only feigning maturity.

Obviously, a big part of maturity is listening to the wisdom and counsel of others-"thinking for oneself" does not mean completely shutting out other's input (a very immature thing to do, actually). But it does mean having the ability to compare other's counsel against the Bible and sometimes, quite frankly, logic, to determine what truly is good counsel and what is not.

I definitely need to work on becoming more mature.

Monday, July 6, 2009

Mr. and Mrs. Bryan Davis

This past week I had the honor and privilege of helping with the preparation of, attending the ceremony of, and running the reception for, the union of Mr. Bryan and Mrs. Samantha Davis (formerly Seagren). Despite a few curveballs thrown, both the wedding ceremony and the reception went beautifully.

When I drove to Prescott, AZ with Mr. and Mrs. Seagren, I knew that I would be helping out with the wedding, but I had absolutely no clue just how much I would end up doing. From accompanying Bryan and Sam to their engagement photo shoot, to calling every nail salon in Prescott to set up an appointment for Sam and her bridesmaids, to visiting the country club to talk with the brand new event coordinator (the head chef and the event coordinator for the country club left two weeks before the wedding), I ended up being a lot more involved with the wedding than I realized I woud be. A couple people even dubbed me an "honorary member" or the wedding party, even though I didn't stand up with them at the wedding. Which I didn't mind at all, it was a lot of fun and I was glad I could help.

What I definitely didn't realize would happen was that, along with Bryan's longtime best friend Jody, I would basically be running the reception. Which, when the ceremony is at 4:30 and the country club has things scheduled until 3:30, is definite running-around-like-a-chicken-with-your-head-cut-off material. But, everything was in place by the time the bride and groom arrived, so everything worked out well. :)

The weather was perfect that day. Throughout the week that had been scattered thunderstorms throughout the Prescott area, but the sun shone strong all day on Saturday the 4th. :)

My favorite part of the week, though, was breakfast at a local bed and breakfast the morning of the wedding. The setting was amazing-eating on the front porch of a gorgeous house with beautiful, cool weather. The food was extremely delicious, and the dishes were beautiful. The best part, though, was when all the female members gave same a gift bag with several items inside. Each item symbolized a lesson they wanted to pass on to Samantha about marriage. They would have a couple verses to go with each item, and then explain the significance of the verses to marriage and what the item symbolized. Afterwards, there was a time of prayer for Samantha as she stepped into this new chapter of her life.
Bryan and Samantha Davis, I pray that God blesses the two of you immensely as you live in this new chapter of your life. May God be glorified through the two of you as a couple even more than He was glorified by the both of you as individuals!

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Camp Nikos!

Later I will post a more thorough post about how Camp Nikos 2009 went. Suffice it to say that it went extremely well, and that God did many things. I love my girls so much and I was sad to see them go. Through the week God taught me so much. Now that I’m back I feel like I need to rethink my whole life-everything from which major I want to pursue (I had crossed out nonprofit studies because it’s a marketing track and I didn’t want to do marketing, but now I’m feeling a tug toward that major…I guess God at least wants me to check it out) to which friendships I should be investing the most time into, to how I should be spending my time and money…at the beginning of the week my prayer was “Lord, I am emotionally and spiritually apathetic…rekindle my passion and fire this week.” Well, emotionally, it didn’t happen. I don’t feel any burning in my spirit. What I do feel is like I’m being pushed…like someone is saying “Come on now, Shaney, we need to start heading over here.” Perhaps this is better than having that “mountaintop experience”. Hopefully it will be longer lasting.

My girls rewrote the “I Love College” song on the last night of camp. I’ll post the lyrics for your entertainment. 

I love Jesus-Hey!
And I love the Bible-Hey!
And I love praying-Hey!
Yeah I love Jesus-Hey!

That Bible story last night was awfully interesting
I wish I remembered it
(Something I can’t make out on the video)
It was so awesome

Read my Bible and drink my juice
Love my Jesus, He’s all I need

And I love Jesus-Hey!
And I love the Bible-Hey!
And I love praying-Hey!
And I love Jesus-Hey!

Do something crazy for Jesus!
Do something crazy for Jesus!

Thursday, June 4, 2009

I'm such a nerd

I'm taking business computer applications 1305 (the equivalent of management information system 1305) distance learning right now, and I'm sincerely excited by how efficient excel is.

I'm such a nerd.

Sunday, May 31, 2009


A bath.
A glass of blueberry tea with a spoonful of sugar.
A candle.
Flower-scented body products.
Pandora playing Iron, Wine, and Diana Krall in the background.

How relaxing. I do think that regularly indulging in this pleasure could do wonders for my ability to sleep, my stress level, and my overall health in general.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Life keeps moving

I took the Myers-Briggs personality test again recently. I got ESTJ again-but instead of having a "strongly expressed" extroverted personality at 90%, I have a "moderately expressed" extroverted personality at 33%. I expected that my E score would be lower, but I didn't expect it would be that low. But I guess after how busy I was this past semester, I shouldn't be surprised. I don't know if this is a permanent change or not. I'm not sure if this is a result of changing places, changing people, growing up, or if I just need a rest.

It looks like the internship with Awana this summer is going to end up working out. I am so amazingly excited about that.

Also looks like taking MIS this summer is going to end up working out without a problem. Just one more little wrinkle to iron out...

Work has started up again. Looking forward to refilling my bank account and getting back my tan.

I'm going to go pick out what I'm going to wear today while listening to Iron and Wine on Pandora. Yes, I know it's almost 4 in the afternoon, don't judge.

And whatever I wear, I'm going to wear the awesome shoes that Michelle gave to me. :)

Sunday, May 3, 2009

End of freshman year

Wow. It's amazing to think that I am, for almost all intents and purposes, done with my freshman year of college. Time does fly by. Classes are done. The swing formal was last night, which means swing is officially over for the year. Awana closing ceremonies this Wednesday. Finals Wednesday through Friday, then I'll pack up and move out by Saturday. Life is crazy. This year has been crazy. It can pretty much be summed up in one word: change. I thought last semester would crazy full of changes, and of course it was, but I didn't realize how much this semester would also be full of changes. This will be really different when I come back in the fall. Michelle is moving to southern California. Bennett is transferring. Austin and Anna will be in Maastrich. Landon will be back from Italy. I'll be living in an off campus apartment. I'll be the treasurer for the swing dance society. Hopefully, I will be teaching Sunday School or volunteering with the Student ministry at Highland. I will be taking almost all business classes, and joining organizations such as Baylor Business Women. There will be an entire new class of freshman, all going through the same things I went through. New friends will be made, relationships will form, relationships will dissolve.

Some things haven't changed. Taylor, Jordan, and Stephen are still my best friends. I still love dancing. I'm still involved in Awana. I still go to church at Highland. I'm still in school, still studying away, still hoping to graduate someday and get a good job. Still trying to figure out God's plan for my life. But most importantly, Jesus still loves me, He still decides who I am and what goes on in my life.

And that is something I am glad will always stay the same. :)

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Poetry consumes my times

Have you ever wondered why it has to be this way
Leaves of green turn brown and gold and then the wind blows them away
The rose in bloom covers up the thorns that will cut you open, give you pain
And yet the beauty beckons so you reach and grab it anyway

The water rises all around you closing in on every side
Afraid to swim but yet it's all that you can do to stay alive
Diamonds that aren't there glitter as you start to drown
There's nothing to listen to but yet you know you hear the sound

The volts surge through the veins and all the gems turn into dust
Grab ahold of firmness and stability you must
Fly away while you have the chance, don't even think to stay
For even she, the princess, sometimes needs to run away

If you knew back then what you knew now, would it even make a difference?
Sometimes you need to look into the future and make an inference
With the snow beneath bare feet you wonder where the path does lay
Biting wind blows through your hair as you trudge along anyway

Five minute walk, or twenty miles, or all the ocean away
Sometimes it seems there's nothing that can keep your feelings at bay
Listen, listen, please, there's just way you can understand
But if you really care than reach out far and take my hand

Put your hand upon the water and on the surface feel the tension
Feels as if there is a quiet secret it can't mention
Feel the pressure of desire overwhelm your very core
Drown yourself, you know you just can't stay upon the shore

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

It will never be the same

This is supposed to be a rap...not sure if that's a fail or a win...

Look to the left and to the right, but it will never be the same
The world spins all around you for the glory of His name
You wonder where you're going as it feels like nowhere fast
Digging deep inside you for a feeling that will last

You know He's got a plan but it's just really hard to tell
Sometimes the world has really got you sucked into its spell
God I know I'm ever helpess if I don't cry for your love
I need a little help from the Divinity above

Take my hand and take my heart and take away all that consumes me
Please don't be a deist god and just sit by and let it be
Put me through the fire of hell if it means that I'll come as gold
And I'll live to see the things that You've prepared yet are untold

God I want to know You more and yet this world is all I know
I know You're all that matters yet it's so hard to let it go
Put a fire in my heart that burns so hot I have no choice
But look for the Living Water with all I am and hear His voice

Look to the left and to the right, but it will never be the same
The world spins all around you for the glory of His name
Don't understand why it's so crazy, nothing ever seems to rest
It doesn't fit quite yet but deep inside you know God's plan is best

Sunday, April 26, 2009


In case you're wondering, at this point I understand my life probably just as much as you understood that last post.

I can't wait for the day when it all finally makes sense.


You turn around and you realize that it all has you trapped into a little space. Everything that encloses you is something you want. In fact, everything that encloses you is a gift that you are grateful to have. But when each one gets set into place, it creates this wall that you didn't realize was being built. You can't break through-you'll hurt the gifts if you do. And really, you don't want to break though. But what you do want is that feeling of freedom. But that means leaving some things behind. The comfort within these walls and the value of the gifts that make up the walls is enough to keep you feeling comfortable within. And yet, you feel yourself becoming just a little claustrophobic...

What you want is at the bottom of a lake somewhere. No problem when you have an air tank to take you to the bottom so you can retrieve it. But as you swim down, you realize you can no longer see the surface, every direction looks the same, and although you have plenty of air in your tank the feeling of the pressure of the water all around you makes it difficult to breathe. Which direction to go-up to the surface, or down towards the treasure?

You've been blindfolded and been told to walk towards home. You don't know which direction that is, and there are people all around you shouting directions to you. You know there is a single voice you can trust to tell you the truth, but you strain to hear that single voice among the noise...

You're going on a journey. You have no clue where the destination is, all you know is that you trust the one who sent you on the journey to believe him when he says you will not regret taking it. You have the directions in your hand, but although they're written in English it seems they're written in code.

Pressed down on every side, but not crushed...

Vague enough? Yeah, thought so.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Only You

I've been spying out to see if I can find You
I've been adding up to make You come out right
I've been waiting here for You to make an entrance
But it turns out You've been with me all the time

It seems that I've been looking for the wrong things
And getting stuck on what could never be

You don't need another genius or a poet
You don't need another martyr for the truth
You're looking for a heart in step with Your own
And that is something only You can do
Yeah, that is something only You can do

I've been wanting for myself to just stay focused
I've done my best to keep a pure inset
I must have overlooked the rest You promised
I must not have been looking hard enough

We never want the things that come too easy
We cannot trust the freedom found in love

You don't need another genius or a poet
You don't need another martyr for the truth
You're looking for a heart in step with Your own
And that is something only You can do
Yeah, that is something only You can do

Please come and change me
Start rearranging
Until I'm facing
Not myself but You

You don't need another genius or a poet
You don't need another martyr for the truth
You're looking for a heart in step with Your own
And that is something only You can do
Yeah, that is something only You can do

-"Only You", Erin O'Donnell

Friday, March 27, 2009

Love Languages

I feel loved when...

The Five Love Languages

My Primary Love Language is Physical Touch

My Detailed Results:
Physical Touch: 12
Quality Time: 9
Words of Affirmation: 5
Receiving Gifts: 2
Acts of Service: 2

About this quiz

Unhappiness in relationships is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. It can be helpful to know what language you speak and what language those around you speak.

Tag 3 people so they can find out what their love language is.

Take the Quiz!
Check out the Book

What is yours? (If you decide to take the quiz, leave a comment so I can know what your love language is!)

Wednesday, March 25, 2009


You don't understand why I think and act the way I do?

That's fine.

Because I don't understand why you think and act the way you do either.

Saturday, March 21, 2009


Ups and downs, highs and lows...never getting to bed before midnight, heart-to-heart talks with friends, frustrations and thick tension, friends who step in to take care of said frustrations, tons of homework, avoidance of said homework, eventual plowing through said homework, a messy room that reflect that I'm hardly ever there, and if I am I'm probably sleeping, laughing with friends, crying with friends, dancing, counseling (career counseling, no I have not yet gone insane), re-evaluating the states of some friendships, realizing that some of your evaluations are wrong, realizing that a couple girls you never expected to be close to are becoming your closest confidants, learning to tolerate caffeine to make it through the day, realizing that it's not going to get any easier before finals, realizing that he never lied to you, feeling terrible for assuming he lied, and he still accepts you even after he finds out that you questioned his integrity.

Is life crazy? Yes. But the bottom line is that life is good.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

What I've Been Learning

Things I've been learning about myself:

*Even if it's obvious that it just won't work out the way I want it to, I have a really difficult time letting go of friendships.
*I can put up with a lot...but the one thing I can't stand is being lied to.

But onto happier things!!!

I had my third and last career counseling appointment today. I don't know what my major will be (beyond business), but at least I have an idea of who I am and where I'm going. I have a year to decide my specific major, but for now I know I'm going somewhere in business, have made the official change of major, and have been advised for next semester's classes. It's good to know your path. :D

Monday, March 9, 2009

Stereotypical Homeschooler?

Are you the stereotypical homeschooler? X the boxes that apply to you.

Growing up/now
[X] Own/have owned a denim jumper
[] You were at least 13 when you got your first "trendy" haircut
[X] Everything in your closet at some time was referred to as modest
[X] You do/have tucked things in that shouldn't be tucked in
[ ] You have been a member of at least 3 co-ops
[X] You were a true 16 and never been kissed
[X] Your mom drives a van of some sort
[X] You have at least one childhood picture where you, your mom, and all you siblings matched
[ ] You are/were/will be a PSEO Student
[X] At some point in your life you were more comfortable with adults than kids your own age
[X] Have studied ways to defend your beliefs, debate, and/or create laws
[X] Used uber conservative A Beka or Bob Jones curriculum
Total: 9

[] You use big words that most adults could not use in conversation
[] You can use the words sublime, epiphany, and cognizant correctly (only epiphany...)
[] You have a favorite word.
[X] You have an understanding of Latin root words and how to use them
[X] People from the outside world are referred to as "public schoolers"
[X]You or one of your siblings knits.
[] You laugh at the decline in literacy in America (actually I think it's really sad...)
[X] You score constantly higher than "public schoolers" on standardized tests.
[] You have no concept of cafeteria food
[X] Family vacations are/ can be referred to as "Field Trips"
[X] Traveling on said vacations have included stopping at historical site markers along the way
[X] You have never been in a public elementary school, middle school, or high school during regular school hours (any or all of the above) (Taking the SAT counts, right? Okay fine...)
[X] You have gone to or been involved in a homeschool convention
Total so far: 17

[] You read books on a regular basis
[X] You have taken part in a political protest
[ ] You were a Pride and Prejudice fan before the movie
[ ] You were a Lord of the Rings fan prior to the movie
[X] You were a Chronicles of Narnia fan before the movie
[] You speak a language other than English (not fluently, but working on it!)
[ ] You dream of dating characters from books instead of celebrities
Total so far: 19

It (has been) assumed that you:....(these may or may not be true, but people think they are)
[] Have won many spelling bees
[X] Have no social life
[] Have no friends of the opposite gender
[X]Are extremely inept
[] Only listen to classical music
[] Play piano or the violin
[] Do not own a pair of trendy jeans.
[] Have no knowledge of drugs or alcohol
[X] Don't date, only court.
[] Have never been to a "party"
[] Know no other beliefs other than what your family believes
Total so far: 22
(If anyone has assumed any of the above that I have not checked, they never told me...)

You have been asked more than 10 times in your life:
[X] If you wear pajamas to school
[] If you get perfect grades because your mom grades you
[X] If your mom teaches you or if somebody else's mom does
[X] How do you meet people
[X] Why you aren't in school
[X] If you get days off whenever you want
[] If you're going to be homeschooled through college
[ ] If you have a big family
[ ] What your parents are protecting you from
[ ] To quote something famous
[X] For the answer, because supposedly homeschoolers always have all the answers
Total so far: 28

You have "rebelled" by:
[X] Listening to "worldly music"
[ ] Wearing black fingernail polish
[X] Wearing tight clothes or letting your midriff show or showing off what color of boxers you are wearing
[X] Watching a *gasp* PG-13 movie
[] Breaking dress code
[X] Listening to music with a beat (Christian or otherwise)
[X] Dancing. Especially dances that involve contact for longer than 2 seconds. With somebody of the opposite gender. Scandalous!!!
subtract this from total: -5


1-10 You're not really a just do school at home
11-21 You're a homeschooler, but not what the world expects
22-32 You're a homeschooler
33-? You probably wouldn't have facebook to begin with...but congrats you're the stereotypical homeschooler

I'm a little surprised, I expected my score to be somewhat higher...

Monday, March 2, 2009


I dropped anatomy today. I thought that doing so would relieve some of the frustration I've been having with Baylor lately. It didn't. It only fueled it.

Spring break is almost here...

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Too. Many. Options.

This afternoon I've been doing some career research online as part of my career counseling...I am definitely more confused and overwhelmed now than I was before. There are way too many options, and the more I try to sort and categorize the options the more overwhelming the choices become.

Some nice Christian guy should just ask me to marry him. A rich nice Christian guy, preferably. That would make things so much easier...


Friday, February 27, 2009

Of course, I'm an overachiever

Emma: " want to drop Spanish instead of anatomy, because you want to be able to say you got an A in the difficult weed-out class....(smile)...right?"

Of course. I can always take Spanish over again, but if I drop anatomy, it's the end.

Preparing to take a big blow to my ego come Monday or Tuesday...

Thursday, February 26, 2009

All is okay with Baylor


After many discussions with my parents, career counseling, and lots of thinking, reading, and praying, I've made the decision to change my major from nursing to business and drop anatomy and take the grade of drop passing. All that's left to do is actually go into the office and make it official. Which I will hopefully have done soon...

(Underlying message of that last line: There's still a nagging voice in my head that says that this semester hasn't been successful if I do end up dropping a class...)

Sunday, February 22, 2009

What I Hate About Baylor

I hate that Baylor is a rich kid's university. You can't just consider the $35000/year price tag for tuition, room and board. You also have to consider lots of other things such as the fact that you will pay $4 a week to do laundry (unless you live in north village, in which case you will just pay a much higher price tag for your board), random tickets for plays, sing, etc., and probably around $20/week for food, even if you are on the 16 meal/week plan, because nobody wants to go eat at McDonald's or Taco Bell.

I hate that there is so much to do. There is just not enough time to do everything in the day that you HAVE to do, much less what you want to do. Yes, I love the fact that there are opportunities for social enhancements, resume building, and personal enrichment around every corner. I just don't have time to even scratch the surface of all the opportunities if I want to keep my grades up.

I hate that despite this being a rich kid's university, if I want to dress up and wear my business pants and heels, people will look at me funny. Doesn't matter that the girl over there is probably wearing $300 designer jeans and $100 flats with her Baylor Tshirt. Doesn't matter that I only paid $15 for my pants and $12 for my shoes. I'm going to be the one viewed as a snob. Oh yes.

I hate the stupid stereotypes that come with each residence hall. I also hate that a lot of them are true. I hate living in Collins. I am not a Collins girl. Nobody told me that when I say I live in Collins, people will look at me funny. Because living in Collins apparently means that I am an airhead who doesn't care about my studies as best, and a slutty sorority girl at worst. Please don't call me a Collins girl. I'm not.

I'm okay. Really, I am. I just need spring break to get here a little bit sooner...

Thursday, February 19, 2009

She was humbled as she realized just how many plans she had made for her life that God had changed. One by one she had made them, one by one He had torn them down. Even the ones she had been sure she had made during her closest moments with God and within His will were being torn away right in front of her. Or were they? God was feeling further away than He had before...were her plans changing the further she got from God? Was she really growing distant from God, or was it just a feeling? She still prayed, she still attended church every Sunday, she had amazing Christian friends, she spent time in the Word. Maybe not as often as she should, but still, she was spending time in the Word. The Word told her in the Psalms that God would give her the desires of her heart. What if she didn't know what she wanted? She wanted to be in God's will. Whether that meant marriage or singleness, graduate school or never finishing college, a successful career in the states or life as a missionary overseas, or whatever major she chose...she didn't want to find herself outside of God's will. It was just way too scary of a place to find herself.

God, am I making the right decision? Making one more mistake could really cost me this time...

Saturday, February 14, 2009

This is Shaney. Shaney makes plans. God laughs.

I called up my mother yesterday with a question that I am struggling with, and probably will be struggling with for the next few weeks.

How do you know if you want to change a major because you really think you'd like something else better, or if you're just being a wimp because of one hard class?

I made a D on my first anatomy exam. D. I don't make D's on exams. I've made C's, but typically I make A's and B's. The class is amazingly difficult-which is actually kinda sad because I took this class before, in high school, and made an A. So why am I struggling now? Is it because the teacher is hard, or because the subject matter is hard? Does the fact that I'm struggling now, in the prerequisite courses, mean that nursing is not the field for me? If just taking this one class is draining me, will I be able to handle nursing school?

OR am I just being a wimp because I don't like struggling through a class? It's not that I haven't struggled through classes before. When I took anatomy in high school I studied for that class for hours upon hours each day. When I took Chemistry in high school, I had a difficult time with that class as well. Classes like American Government were no walk in the park either. I don't know...I've just never struggled this much with a single class.

When I talked to Mom yesterday, one of the things she said to think about was what I wanted to do after graduation, and what I could do if I pursued a different degree. What if I really, honestly have no clue what I want to do? I do know that at some point I want to get married and have a family. Nursing was a good fit because it's so flexible. I can have a family and not give up my career. But is that why I chose it-because of the career flexibility, not because I actually enjoy the field itself? Do I like the field of nursing? I liked anatomy when I took it in high school-but was that because I actually enjoyed the subject matter? Or did I like it because the teacher was fun and the subject matter was new?

Are there other factors coming into play that make me want to change my major? The nursing school is in Dallas. If I change my major I wouldn't have to move in 2010. If the nursing school were here in Waco, would I still be thinking about changing my major, or would I put on my game face and stick with the program no matter how challenging?

I'll be wrestling with these questions over the next few weeks. Between spending time with God and His Word, nursing shadowing at Providence hospital, and continuing through anatomy, hopefully I'll find some clarity as to whether nursing is actually the field I want to be in or not. Whatever happens, God is in control. Whether I stay in nursing, or change my major, all I have to do is follow God's leading, wherever that is. Sometimes I just wish he would write it down where I could read it though. You know, something like the book of Baylor, chapter 50, verse 23 "...and Shaney shall stick with her nursing major," or "...and Shaney shall change her major to..."

Oh, and the plans to go on a missions trip to Africa in May fell through. Now I have no clue if, where, and when I'm going on a missions trip this summer.

We make plans, God laughs.

Saturday, February 7, 2009


Dear Michelle,
Let me know when you're free and we'll go see it, okay? :)
Sincerely, Shaney
Dear Cotton,
No one may know what animal you are, but it doesn't matter. You're still amazingly cute, and I'm so glad I got to hold you for a little bit. Hopefully I'll see you again.
Sincerely, Shaney
Dear adulthood,
You are overrated.
Sincerely, Shaney
Dear college,
You are also overrated.
Sincerely, Shaney
Dear freedom,
You, on the other hand, are not overrated. Unfortunately your fraternal twin responsibility keeps getting in your way.
Sincerely, Shaney
Dear boys at swing dance,
Ask girls to dance. Ask a VARIETY of girls to dance.
Sincerely, Shaney
Dear men at swing dance,
If you ask a variety of girls to dance:
Thank you.
Sincerely, Shaney
Dear good dancers at Ft. Worth,
Thank you for not doing the same moves I'm used to over and over again, and forcing me to follow. It's so much fun.
Sincerely, Shaney
Dear Dallas,
Thank you for being a beautiful city. At least I have something to look forward to when I move to nursing school.
Sincerely, Shaney

Dear...Sincerely, Shaney

Dear Anatomy,
Let me sleep already.
Sincerely, Shaney
Dear Spanish,
Thank you for being relatively easy. Unfortunately, I'm still not that fond of you.
Sincerely, Shaney
Dear schedule,
We need to make some adjustments.
Sincerely, Shaney
Dear Ricki,
Fly to Texas. I love you. *Hug*
Sincerely, Shaney
Dear Sarah Ruth,
Move to Waco. Now. I need you. Got it?
Sincerely, Shaney
Dear Jonathan,
I'm sorry I haven't called. I'm just insanely busy. I'll call soon, I promise. Just not this weekend.
Sincerely, Shaney
Dear GPA,
Just say up there. I'll catch up soon enough, okay?
Dear Daddy,
I love when you send me text messages. You should send me more. :)
Sincerely, Shaney
Dear boys everywhere,
Be nice. Open the door and don't expect anything more than a smile and a thank you. Don't make sexist jokes and don't use "woman" as a derogatory term. It gets on my nerves.
Sincerely, Shaney
Dear professors,
I have other classes too, you know.
Sincerely, Shaney
Dear rich kids at Baylor,
No, your cars do not impress me. Neither do your phones. Or your clothes. Quit flaunting them.
Sincerely, Shaney
Dear Stephen,
The above ^^ was not directed at you. I actually like your car and am sad that it got hurt :(
Sincerely, Shaney
Dear Emma,
You need a texting plan.
Sincerely, Shaney
Dear long walks,
Thank you for keeping my sanity intact.
Sincerely, Shaney
Dear life,
I hate you. I love you. I can't live without you.
Sincerely, Shaney
Dear Shaney,
You really do have everything under control, even though it doesn't feel like it.
Sincerely, Shaney
Dear Shaney,
Hah. Quit fooling yourself.
Sincerely, Shaney

Saturday, January 31, 2009


I wish I had more time to read books. I have several books checked out from the library right now, including one that looks REALLY interesting called "The Economics of Happiness", but I don't have time to read them. Hopefully I will get the time soon. I love reading.

I went on a walk for an hour and a half yesterday. I really needed it. Spent most of it off the Baylor campus, which was really, REALLY nice. I didn't realize how many apartment complexes were on the other side of the Baylor campus. Some of them looked really cute and were in closer walking distance of campus, but they also looked a little more ghetto. Part of me thinks that the ghetto-ness is worth having a front porch swing, though...

Over the course of my lifetime, I want to live in Denver, Chicago, New York City, and somewhere in Florida. I also want to go to Europe. I love traveling and different experiences.

Which is why I think God laughs when I think I'd like a lot of kids. Between all the stuff I want to do in life, I'll be in my 30s before I'll even have time to think of dating.

Monday, January 26, 2009


Life is starting to come back into balance. Maybe I'll actually be able to make good grades while going to bed early, attending every class and still keep an active social life.

Or maybe not. We'll see.

Thursday, January 22, 2009



Oh. my. goodness. Last semester was nice...this semester is INSANELY BUSY!!!!!! Thank God that I don't have much in the way of social activities planned this weekend. Nobody call me to do anything. I have way too much to catch up on.

Random people I have been missing insanely lately for some reason:

*My family.
*Sarah and Tabitha Davies.
*Grace and Charity Chambers.
*Adam Hardy.
*Jonathan Snodgrass.

Y'all should move to Waco. Seriously.


Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Back at School

Thoughts on my first days back at school:

*Getting up at 8am every day: Not liking it...but it does pretty much guarantee that stuff gets done during the day.
*Spanish homework guarantees procrastination. I hate Spanish homework.
*Despite hating Spanish homework, I'm surprised at how much I am able to understand in Spanish class. Maybe this won't be as difficult as I thought...or maybe I'm just in for a surprise.
*Psychology and Christian Heritage look like they'll be really interesting classes.
*Anatomy and Physiology is probably going to be pretty time consuming.
*History could be easy or difficult, it's impossible to tell at this point.
*It's so nice being done by lunch.
*Why do almost all of the psychology and Spanish exams have to be scheduled for the same days?
*I am definitely an ESTJ.
*Yay for having lunch with friends. Because, other than that and swing dance, my social life will pretty much not exist this semester.
*Stephen, Jordan, Taylor, Austin, Anna, Shane, Emma, Michelle. Best friends ever.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

2008 in review

[X]stayed single
[] got kissed
[] kissed someone new
[] kissed in the snow
[] kissed in the rain
[] had my heart broken
[X] celebrated Halloween
[] broke someone else's heart
[] had a stalker
[X] lost a friend
[X] had a good [non-romantic] relationship with someone
[X] had a bad [non-romantic] relationship with someone
[ ] questioned my sexual orientation
[ ] came out of my closet
[ ] got pregnant
[ ] had an abortion
[ ] got married
[ ] had a divorce.
[ ] kissed someone of the same sex
[X] met someone that I will never forget
[X] did something I regret
[ ] lost faith in love for awhile
[ ] cried over a broken heart
[X] pretended to be happy
[] kissed under mistletoe
[] got a promotion
[X] got a pay raise
[] changed jobs
[] lost my job
[] quit my job
[] dated a co-worker
[] dated my boss
[] dated my boss's son/ daughter
[] got fired from my job
[X] got straight A's <---almost!
[] failed a class
[X] cut class
[X] skipped school
[X] did something I was proud of
[X] proved myself an idiot
[] embarrassed myself in front of the class
[] fell in love with a teacher
[X] was involved in something that I will never forget
[] painted a picture
[x ] wrote a poem
[X] ran a mile
[X] listened to music I couldn't stand
[X] double dipped
[] skinny dipped
[X] went to a sleepover
[X] went to camp
[ ] threw a surprise party
[X] laughed till I cried
[] flirted shamelessly
[x] visited a foreign country
[x] visited a foreign state
[] cooked a disastrous meal
[X] lost something important to me
[X] got a gift I love
[X] realized something new about myself
[] tried to gain weight<---who does that?
[X] dyed my hair
[] came close to losing my life
[] someone close to me died
[X] went to a wild party
[] got arrested
[X] read a great book
[X] saw a great movie
[X] saw a movie so scary that it made me cry
[] saw a favorite band live
[X] did something that I want to tell everyone
[X] experienced something new
[X] made new friends
[X]found out who your real friends are
[] lied to your parents
[] snuck out
[] kissed in a pool
[] kissed under the stars
[] liked more than 5 people at once
[X] became closer to people
[X] went to a party
[X] had the time of your life
[X] happy danced
[ ] fell out of love
[X] had a crush on someone
[ ] changed your sexual preference
[X] swam in a pool
[] made a snowman
[] went snowboarding
[ ] went sledding
[] slept in past 2 pm
[X] held someone’s hand [not romantically...]
[X] held someone’s hand that you care about
[] told someone you like them as more than a friend
[x] gone on vacation
[x] gone on vacation with a friend
[X] driven a car
[] played strip poker
[] danced in the rain
[] seen someone get in a car accident.
[] got in a fist fight.
[X] laughed until you couldn't breathe
[X] had an amazing year
[X] missed someone
[ ] got hit by car
[ ] blacked out
[X] feared the future
[ ] sent someone to the hospital
[ ] had to go to the hospital
[X] got sick
[] had a major surgery
[] got a new pet
[] mooned someone
[] went over your minutes on your cellphone
[] cut in a line of waiting people
[] kept your New Years resolution
[] remembered your New Years resolution
[X] met someone who changed your life
[X] given up on someone
[X] enjoyed this year overall

Monday, January 5, 2009

Minor changes become life changes

Wow. So much has happened over this Christmas break. In terms of events, socializing, etc., not much has been going on...but that has given me some much needed time to think. And read. I've been doing a lot of both lately, and I'm definitely making some changes.

Biggest change first...I'm adding on a minor to my degree plan. This decision came about as a result of the fact that lately I've been feeling that I'm not really doing enough. Throughout my life I've pretty much always been an overachiever. I was the girl who, when told that she would hurt her GPA by taking a college sophomore-level lab science course as a junior in high school, said "I know this is what I want to do. Sign me up anyway," and, inside her head, thought "Bring it on. Just watch me make an A." And then did it. I was the girl who took Chemistry during the summer before her sophomore year of high school. I was the one who did 7th and 8th grade math in one year, then did geometry concurrently with algebra 1 and 2, and did calculus junior year. I was the girl who pretty much never said "no" when presented with the opportunity to take another class.

And I did it all on top of a lot of extra curricular activities. Swim team, speech, debate, piano, Awana, mission possible volunteer work...

But like any other student, senior year I got a terrible case of senioritis. I already had enough credits that if I had wanted to graduate after junior year, I could have. I was, frankly, tired of school. I still took my classes. I still got all A's. I just didn't feel the need to do any more than the bare minimum. I was still an overachiever, it just showed up in other areas-for example, I was definitely in the best shape of my life that year and won first place in a national speech competition. But school-wise, I just wanted to be done.

It was during this senior year "slump" that I had to make decisions about where I was going to school and what I was going to major in. I chose Baylor's nursing program. When I went to sign up for my first semester classes, I was happy to find that I had already gotten one of the classes out of the way through high school dual credit. I replaced it with a very easy class-beginning ballet-and took 14 hours this past semester. It was easy. I ended the semester with a 4.0. When I went to sign up for my classes this semester, I was still kinda tired of school. I also had one class out of the way for this semester, but instead of replacing it, I just decided to take four classes, 13 hours.

But then the end of the semester came. I started looking back at what I had accomplished. Sure, I had a 4.0. But I had only taken 14 hours. It hadn't been that difficult. I didn't feel like I was being challenged-and I like to be challenged. I also looked at what I would be taking for the rest of my semesters on the Waco campus, and saw that I would only need to take 13 hours on semester and 9 hours the other semester to complete all the nursing prerequisits. I chose a few electives I could take so that I would up those two semesters to 16 hours each-but somehow, I still didn't feel challenged enough.

I also started rethinking my choice of a major as well. All my old fears about being a nurse started creeping back again, that being "just an nurse" wasn't enough. (This was probably triggered when I found out that the chemistry course I took was for "non-science" majors. If I wanted to switch to pre-med, I'd have to take chemistry over again. This made me mad. Just go ahead and continue promoting the idea that nurses are inferior to doctors...). I started thinking about changing my major to something more...prestigious. Go the pre-med track...go into accounting and become a CPA...switch to University Scholars...switch to a business or economics major and go the pre-law track...all crossed my mind. I eventually decided to continue on with nursing, 1) because nothing else provides a career that is as flexible as nursing is, and 2) I still want to graduate in 2012. But even though I decided to stick with my major, I still needed to something so I felt challenged. Just adding a bunch more electives wasn't going to be enough. So I started looking into minors.

Psychology? Baylor doesn't offer a psychology minor. Spanish? Would take way too long to complete and would push back my graduation date. Business? Actually, that could work...AND it would give me an edge in the nursing management field...

So I'm making it official once I get back to Baylor. I'm declaring business administration as my minor. This is going to make a lot of changes, but I'm prepared to face all of them head-on. After all, I'm a girl who likes a challenge.

Change #1-I'm taking 16 hours instead of 13 hours this next semester. Not too big or too difficult of a change. It will still be five classes, just like last semester. So far none of the BA minor classes are available, so I added in Christian Heritage from 8am-915am on tuesdays and thursdays. 8am classes every day...not a change I want to deal with, but one I will deal with nonetheless.
Change #2-Instead of taking on class at ACC this summer, I'll be taking two. A literature class, and business computer applications.
Change #3-Summer 2010 is going to look really different. I had been hoping to study abroad for a five week session and then come home and relax before plunging into nursing school. Now it looks like I may not be coming home at all, nor going overseas. Most likely, I will be staying in Waco and taking two or three summer school courses to finish up the minor before heading to nursing school. I had really been looking forward to study abroad...oh well. It's not like I won't have plenty of overseas experience under my belt between the family month-long Australia and Malaysia trip last Christmas and the Africa missions trip this May, plus who knows what other missions trips and other overseas opportunities will come up in the future. And who knows-maybe I can still study abroad summer 2011.

This decision is going to cause a lot of changes in my life, but I love challenges and am ready to face these head-on. Look out, world. Shaney, the over-achiever, is back.