Friday, December 11, 2009

Blessings of God

I feel incredibly blessed right now.

*I got a 97 on my calculus final for a 95 average in the class!
*I get to see Bekah and Erika in Minnesota when finals are over!!!!
*I get to visit Awana headquarters for a couple days prior to going to Minnesota!
*Headquarters is paying for my airline tickets.
*My bus ticket to Minnesota was only $27.
*Brice using his employee discount so I could get an amazingly sturdy winter coat from American Eagle for half off.
*Mindy letting me use her car so that I could get to the mall to pick out said coat, as well as finish all my Christmas shopping for my Baylor friends.
*Finding amazing presents for all my friends!
*Mindy's cinnamon roll recipe at Starbucks.
*Mindy...enough said.
*Jordan letting me use his sleeping bag so that I don't freeze in my own room.
*Getting to see Michelle Kick today.

Life is good...:) :) :)

Monday, December 7, 2009

Thoughts on living in the era of grace

Okay, now that I've finally put all my jumbled thoughts about majors out there, I'll leave y'all with a much happier note.

I read Hebrews 1 and 2 in my quiet time yesterday, and I realized that people in the Old Testament didn't have Christ to look to as a fully human (yet fully God) example of how to live life. Only those of us who live during and after Christ get to look at Christ. Only we get to ask ourselves "What Would Jesus Do?"

Just another perk of living under grace. :) I <3 God's grace. It's amazing stuff.

Majors, minors, careers, LIFE...why?

I've been thinking a lot lately about what I want to major in. The more I think, though, the more confused I get.

I grew up thinking that I would have a career. Sophomore year of high school, I wanted to go to law school, become a lawyer, become a judge, and then work my way up to the supreme court. Junior year of high school, however, God changed my heart and gave me a vision for being a "family woman". I ended my junior year of high school wanting to get married, have children, homeschool them, and support my husband in his ministry. If God had called me to get married straight out of high school and not gone to college, I would have been happy with that. However, two factors continued to propel me on the path to college: 1) A father who insisted that I go to college, and 2) a full-tuition scholarship to Baylor. Okay, so it's obviously God's will that I go to college. So I did. But I chose a major based on what I believed would help prepare me to eventually take care of a family, as well as being something I could easily fall back on full or part time should I ever need to work. I chose nursing.

Then second semester freshman year comes. I realize that I don't like nursing. I'm not a science person. My brain doesn't think that way. Sure, I can handle blood and guts and needles...but the thought of taking anatomy and physiology 2, pharmacology, sounded like torture after taking anatomy 1. I wasn't happy with this. This wasn't how God made me. So I called my parents. I went to career counseling. I prayed about it. I figured out that while my brain and science don't work well together, my brain and business work together fabulously. So I made the switch.

I'm now at the end of my first semester of my sophomore year. I've taken courses in accounting, economics, business, etc., and enjoyed it so much. This is how my brain works. I'm happy doing this. But next semester, I have to decide and declare a specific major within the business school.

I had thought that I would double-major in nonprofit marketing and management after interning with Awana this summer. I realized that I really, really like working with nonprofits. I could see myself working with Awana, Mission Possible, LifeCare Pregnancy, an adoption agency, or even just in my local church. Give me a cause I love and I am really passionate about working for it. I'll do it for no money.

But the more I think about it, the more I realize that I can't see myself in a full-time position. Not even in a nonprofit. When I picture my future, I continue to picture it as one where I have a few kids, adopt a few kids, homeschool all of them, do a lot of work with my local church and local nonprofits, but always keeping my role as a wife and homemaker my first priority. The only "job" I can really picture myself having is teaching with Teach for America my first couple years out of college. But I can't even picture myself doing that for more than a few years.

So why am I even at college at all?

What am I supposed to be preparing for? Surely this is not some time-killing transition between high school and marriage. Surely I should be using the opportunities I have in front of me to prepare for something. But what in the business school could possibly prepare me for being a wife and mother?

Okay, so let's review my current options and why they may or may not be good ideas:

Economics I started thinking seriously about this one when I realized that microeconomics was my favorite class this semester. It's weird-I tend to be a more detail-oriented person, and economics is all about the big picture. But I LOVE this class. It has changed my perspective on so many issues. It has changed the way I think. If I majored in economics, I could teach high school economics with Teach for America when I graduate. If I ever decide that I do want a career for whatever reason, economics opens up a whole range of options.

Non-profit Marketing Makes sense since I love working with non-profits, right? I guess...except for the fact that if non-profit marketing didn't exist at Baylor, I don't think I would choose to major in marketing. It's not that I wouldn't make a good marketing major-I know I would. The thought of majoring in marketing or having a career in marketing just doesn't excite me...except for the non-profit part.

Management I asked my best friend Sarah when we were still in high school, "What do you major in if you want to be in charge of stuff?" Management would fit my personality really, really well. No matter what I major in, I've already decided there's a bunch of management electives I want to take. The question is what I could do with this degree if I actually made management my major. Then there's the question of whether I would major in general management, distribution management & technology (logistics management, basically), or human resources management. All options have their pros and cons.

Financial Services Out of all the majors in the business school, this is the only one that I actually think would be helpful for being a wife and a mother, as I would be really, really good with our personal finances. Not sure what else I would do with this degree, though. I don't think I want to be a CFP.

Public Administration Would combine this with an economics major. If I ever wanted to work for the government or get involved in politics, this would be a really good major to have. I could potentially see myself getting involved in politics in some way, especially after my kids are grown.

I know that if I trust God, pray about it, and keep my mind and heart open as I take my classes, the answer will eventually be given to me. I just don't like not knowing where I'm going. Especially when it feels like you're on the wrong path for where you're supposed to be going. I did not come to Baylor to get an MRS. degree. If I wanted an MRS. degree, I would have gone somewhere else. Or I wouldn't have gone to college. But I'm not sure what it is I'm really heading towards. Baylor doesn't seem like the type of school, and business doesn't seem to be the type of major, that you go with if all you want to do is get married and raise a family. Heck, college doesn't even make sense at this point.

Sorry for all that rambling. All I'm trying to say is that right now, it doesn't feel like that path I'm on leads to the destination I feel I'm supposed to end up at.

I'm so confused. My head hurts.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Letter to myself

Something I found in my journal recently. I apologize for the way it starts out in first person, then randomly switches to second.

This is an edited version...certain names have been deleted to protect certain people. :P

I'm learning a lot about myself. I'm learning that I'm more stubborn than I previously thought. I'm learning that true satisfaction is found in God alone. I've realized that I'm a lot more independent than I had once realized. I want to be in charge. I want to be in control. I at least want to be percieved as in control. I am not in control. God alone is in control. I want to do it all. I can't do everything. I try to plan ahead for what I can't.
So dream of Chicago. Work toward that goal. But remain open to other possibilities. Because He may call you to stay in Waco, or go to Chicago, or to Washington D.C., or Africa. Wait on God for His plan and His timing.
Drink tea and write from your desk or swing, and be content that you are doing God's will. Let a friend cry on your shoulder, and be content that you are doing God's will. Travel and speak to thousands-but only if it is God's will. Be excited about where you are right now-carefree, single, and loving it. Fall in love with God now, not later. Spoil your girlfriends. Decorate your apartment, and negotiate the price down. Love your life now. Teach Sunday School and play the piano. Enjoy your life now and follow God into the future.

Lose control and quit being so stubborn!