Saturday, October 31, 2009

Bathroom Verses

Today, I got the random idea that perhaps, dry erase markers could be used to write on bathroom mirrors. So I pulled out one of my dry erase markers that I rarely use, and tried it. It works perfectly. I plan to start putting verses on my bathroom mirror.

The first verse on my mirror is one that Adam Hardy sent me for encouragement:

"Therefore I will look to the LORD; I will wait for the God of my salvation; My God will hear me!"-Micah 7:7

Thursday, October 29, 2009


Daniel: "He graciously didn't let you get more involved so that it didn't hurt more. It could have easily happened where you gave cpr and they both still died, or you had to pick which one to give cpr to."

Me: "Oh...I hadn't thought of that."

This process is a lot slower than I would like it to be. I'm meeting with Kyle (my college pastor) tomorrow to talk through everything.

I have been getting so angry at God during my prayer time that I have actually said, out loud, "What the f***, God?" ...and then cried.

I don't want to get mad at God, and I don't want to go through each day playing the "What if?" and "Why?" games.

I just want life to return to normal.

...but I guess it's not going to, is it? After all, this is no movie, or television drama, or novel. This is my life.

Processing is a painful process.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

I'll Let You Eavesdrop

God, can we talk for a minute?

Or rather, can I vent and you listen? Thanks.

I don't get it, God. I just don't get it. It really seems like You didn't think this one through. It seems like you went to a lot of trouble to make sure that I was at the wreck when it happened. From Adam gently pushing me to leave Brownwood so that I didn't drive in the incoming storm, to being pulled over by the policeman when I honestly thought I was fine, to getting lost and having to backtrack to Waco Drive...You sure did go to a lot of trouble to get the timing right.

For what reason, God? It doesn't seem to have made a difference that I was there.

I wasn't planning on becoming a lifeguard five years ago. That was a job that You pretty much handed to me. Because of that job, I have been training for years on how to respond in an emergency situation. I knew exactly what I needed to do. Even as I saw the men in the truck, the thoughts of "I need to check the ABCs...airway, breathing, circulation..." were right there in my mind, screaming at me. But I was helpless to do anything. Why? Because the door was in the way. It took at least five firemen leaning on the giant pliers to get the door loose. I could have done something, God. I was six inches away from helping them and a stupid piece of metal and glass kept me from doing so. You could have done something. Why didn't You?

Why did they have to die, God? I called 911 not even ten seconds after the wreck happened. EMS was there in less than five minutes. I couldn't have responded more quickly, God. But it wasn't soon enough.

God, all I'm trying to say is that it doesn't make sense. It really seems like you put a lot of thought into this one-from putting a job in my lap that would prepare me to respond to this five years ago to timing my driving down to the very second so that I was at the wreck but not caught in it...for no reason at all. I couldn't do anything, God. I was completely helpless to actually do anything. So it all seems pretty pointless, God.

I know that You're the all-knowing, all-powerful, all-perfect Creator of the universe and I am a pathetic, insignificant, doubting sinner who is nothing more than a blip on the screen, and therefore I'm in no position to ask You this. But I feel like You owe me an explanation. Because dang it, God, You did a pretty darn good job of planning this one out. You better have a reason for it.

Lord, I believe. Please help my unbelief.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Life update

XTax was fun. We didn't place, but it was a good experience. :)

Awana conference went really well. I had probably about ten people total at my first two workshops (trek and journey basic training) but they really went well, plus I was expecting low turnout at those two. The LIT workshop was overflowing, though. We quickly ran out of chairs and probably half the people in the room were sitting on the floor. I was really excited about how it went. The missionaries' kids wrapped my car in paper while we were at Rudy's afterwards...:P

Fall break was really nice. Came up with a really cute halloween costume idea. Speaking of halloween, any and all Baylor students really need to come to the swing halloween dance on October 30th. The theme is Phantom of the Opera. It's going to be amazing.

My roommate got a dog this weekend. Her name is Zuzu, she's a chihuahua mix and she's the cutest, sweetest thing ever. Love her already. :)

I might get to fly up to Chicago sometime before December 31st of this year.

What else? Oh yes, I get to go up to Howard Payne University next weekend and see some of my best friends in the entire world, including a couple I haven't seen for 10 months.

Cold weather is finally coming to Waco.

Life is good. :)

Friday, October 9, 2009

Not that anybody sends me flowers...

I saw this advertisement on the sidebar of my e-mail account today: Flowers and gifts to say I'm sorry. Order today.

I don't know why, but for some reason I thought, "Is that all that people think flowers and gifts are for? How sad."

I know I'd appreciate it a whole lot more if somebody sent me flowers or bought me a gift "just because", rather than waiting until they need to apologize for something. "Just because" gifts are a rarity.

Yeah, totally random thought of the day...